In the course of the intensive research I conduct for HoseMaster of Wine I accumulate hundreds and hundreds of little tidbits about wine. The juiciest tidbits end up in my breakfast, my usual morning meal of crow on toast with a side of hat. Other nuggets end up as posts. But there are a lot of leftovers. Here are some leftovers. It's cleaning out the HoseMaster's mental fridge day.
Wine was shown to help alleviate the symptoms of Tourette's Syndrome in mice. Fucking rodents.
Two of the thirteen allowed varieties in Chateauneuf-du-Pape are Creamy Ranch and Spicy Chipotle.
Botrytis cinerea originated in Robert Lawrence Balzer's sock drawer.
Right, from my sock drawer
Saumur-Champigny is named for the sounds Voltaire made sneezing.
The only wine dogs will drink is Gruner Veltliner because it reminds them of licking their own butt. Cats like Cloudy Bay Sauvignon Blanc for the same reason.
James Suckling. James Suckling. James Suckling.
Scientists now believe life may once have existed in Lodi.
In a startling coincidence, Rachel Alexandra was named Horse of the Year in the same year her owner was named Horse's Ass of the Year! You can take that to the Banke.
French oak can result in tongue slivers. Or bung slivers.
Jesus converted water into wine. Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio does the opposite. And don't forget to attend ZAP on January 30th--Jesus died for our Zins.
There is a special Hell just for people who make Zin puns. Dante's Zinferno.
Before he was a world-renowned winemaking consultant, Michel Rolland was a leg model. Now he only occasionally has one to stand on.
All of the wines tasted for the California State Fair Wine Competition in 2009 were Yellow Tail Shiraz. It was awarded 15 Double Golds, 123 Gold Medals, 157 Silver Medals, 567 Bronze Medals, and Miss Congeniality. It did best in the "Chardonnay $14.99 and Under" category.
In the altar wine winemaking process, yeast converts sugar to Roman Catholicism.
In a patented and highly secret process, the alcohol levels of Napa Valley Cabernets are routinely lowered through the use of spinning cones and human bladders. Avoid using tasting room toilets.
In order to help the notoriously late-ripening Mourvedre, BioDynamic winemakers in California venture out into the vineyards in October and sing, "The sun'll come out, Mataro, so you better hang on till tomorrow, come what may! Mataro, Mataro, I love you, Mataro, you're always a day away!"
Our Selfies, Our Wines
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