Friday, August 20, 2010

Ethics? Ethics? We Don't Need No Stinking Ethics


Ask any wine blogger what the biggest roadblock to success in the wine business is and he'll undoubtedly answer, "Ethics." Stupid, useless ol' ethics. And not because he believes in ethics, that's clearly a waste of time, much like reading wine blogs published east of the Mississippi, but because there are not guidelines to these imaginary ethics. Just where are the lines that one isn't supposed to cross? And where are the lines one is supposed to obey? And the ones they promised me I could snort? You start a wine blog for purposes of personal gain, get a little bit of notoriety, and, BANG, someone goes and ruins the whole thing by bringing up ethics. You win a Wine Blog Award, an achievement equal to passing your driver's license exam without the actual driving test, and some ethics cop, some self-appointed moron of morality, some pompous penis of principles, comes along and points out you were a judge in the competition. All because of ethics! How stupid is that? What does it matter that you were a judge? You won fair and square! There are no ethics on the Internet. The Internet wasn't created so that the cretins of conscience could ruin it for everybody! The Internet can't survive if you expect ethical behavior. What sort of an idiot thinks that? No, the Internet was created so that we can do anything we fucking want to do and not have to answer for it. Christ, it's so obvious.

Nonetheless, ethical guidelines are sorely needed in the wine blog world, if only to know what to ignore. It's tiresome to go to all the trouble of writing a wine blog yet not get the satisfaction of knowing that you're absolutely unethical. I've been giving this issue a lot of thought. OK, I'm actually just making this up off the top of my head, but that's what you're supposed to do when you're blogging--make shit up as you go along. It's what all the top bloggers do. It's how they got to the top. Once again, it's the Internet. What does it matter whether what I write is thoughtful or original or, God forbid, accurate? Only the addlepated, dimwitted, thunderstruck and the anencephalic believe what they read on the Internet. Though that is the core group that reads Palate Press. Anyhow, I have given this issue great thought and now present the core set of Ethics for Wine Bloggers. I'll thank you to follow them.


Free Stuff


This is simple. You're entitled to it. You've got a wine blog, you work at it every day, you're on your journey to discover wine, wineries are supposed to send you samples. And if they don't, wineries can be incredibly stupid about not sending out enough free wine to the people, wine bloggers (duh), who will determine their very existence, just call them up and ask them for it! It's your ethical responsibility to ASK THE GODDAM WINERIES TO SEND YOU YOUR WINE. And don't make the egregious mistake of not telling them your shirt and hat sizes--they'll want to send you swag and can be very pouty if you don't seem to want any.

You are not obligated to report to your readers that the wines you review on your blog were sent to you for free. Who made that up? If you're using them, get rid of your stupid disclaimers. It's no one's fucking business where you got the wine from! The only things that matter are that you liked the wine, that it paired well with the lavish dinner the winery treated you to, and, above all, what kind of closure it had. No one needs to know you didn't pay a nickel for it. What kind of a lousy world would this be if we had to reveal every goddam thing we get for free? The whole country would devolve into anarchy. The IRS would be buried in paperwork. Hookers and pimps don't report their income! Explain to me the difference between wine bloggers and hookers and pimps! Yeah, pimps drive nicer cars, but other than that. Sure, unlike wine bloggers, hookers spit, but other than that. It's outrageous. Your ethical obligation is to say nice things about the wineries that give you free stuff, and only nice things. First off, you're not really qualified to judge wines, so why would you risk appearing stupid and ridicule that Moscato d'Asti for having some sort of chemical problem that makes it fizzy? Just say something nice, you got it for free, didn't your mother teach you to say thank you? This is so obvious, I wonder why it has to be said. Sheesh.


Posts

Again, this is simple. Everything you can think of, especially you, to say about wine has been said before and said far better than your miserable vocabulary allows you to say. Oh, goody, you discovered Aglianico, a wine that's been around for thousands of years but you're the first one to notice it's pretty good wine if you like that Southern Italian crap even though the ones they're starting to make in California are sooo much better. Great. Fascinating. I'm quivering with excitement. Believe me, everything you have to say about Aglianico, the grape and the free bottle of wine you're talking about, and every other wine, has been said more articulately and more eloquently. And yet, it is your ethical responsibility to bring the level of discussion down to where the kind of dolts who read wine blogs can understand it. Your job is to educate the poor slobs who know less than you about wine, the fools who've only been learning about wine for eight months when you've been reading Lettie Teague for years, the sad group of humans who don't know what to buy when they're shopping at BevMo and someone has torn down the Wilfred Wong recommendations and put up pictures of kitties instead, though the kitties would be more useful than Wilfred for explaining the crap BevMo sells. Your job is to say, in very simple phrases and poor English, what has been said before. This is how wine blogs work. Don't go trying to be original. Really. This is important. Just look at the top wine blogs. See anything original? No. Take a hint. Figure it out. Genius.

And when you're not reviewing wines or writing about your annoying children or filling your pointless blog with more links than a Jimmy Dean warehouse, you can always plug local events. After all, your eleven readers really want to know about the $150 per ticket Insipid Producers of Oregon Tasting with music by Celine Dion impersonator, Celine Dion. It it your ethical responsibility to post as often as possible without regard to meaningful content. Try to see your wine blog as spam. The meat, not the junk mail. You call that meat? You call that writing?

When reviewing wines that you don't really understand or you are incapable of describing, it is
perfectly ethical to simply quote from the fact sheet the winery provided, or reword the back label. There's no need to try to make up descriptors when the correct ones are right in front of you! The only ethical responsibility you have is to make certain no one knows you've borrowed from someone else's work. That would be misguided and can only lead to uncertainty and chaos. Better yet, why not just skip the stupid description and simply assign the wine a score? Scores cannot be questioned, and make lovely graphics besides. Lately, wine bloggers have begun to use badges instead of scores. I am completely in favor of this trend. Poodles becoming badgers. After all, both wine bloggers and badgers are in the weasel family.
Best New Wine Blog Nominess 2010


68 comments:

ValveKeeper of Must said...

Who puts up a new post on Friday?!?!.....

Charlie Olken said...

Is it true that you can lead an anencephalic blogger to culture but you cannot make him think?

What the good is an anence-a-phalic if it does not work? Can one take Viagra for that?

The nice thing about anencephalic is that you can write it ten times and still fit it in a twittering.

Steve Heimoff said...

Thank you HoseMaster. Your post on ethics was a real eye opener. I am going to accept your suggestions. It will make my life so much easier. Again, thank you.

Thomas said...

The trouble with this Hosemaster fellow is that he never tells us exactly what he thinks of bloggers. He's so clever with those flowery words and phrases like "weasel" and "pimps." I mean, if this Hosemaster is afraid to say what eh really thinks, he should stop with the comedy and become a politician.

If I ever meet this Hosemaster fellow in person I am going to use my new Stanlee pliers that I bought in Chinatown, NY City for 25 cents, and pull the word "notoriety" out of his head.

Other than that, nice blog post.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

STEVE!

That was the whole point. Just take all the misconceptions about wine blogger ethics and spell them out. This ain't testifying before Congress, it's just talking about wine, an alcoholic beverage, assigning it a fictional score or giving it an idiotic badge (can bloggers get any dumber?), accepting all the free stuff from wineries that is our due, and getting on with our lives.

Simple.

Anonymous said...

Nice post. I learned something, too.

Cheers
Catonine

www.catavinoonahottinroof.com

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Thomas,

So what's wrong with "notoriety," my unsolicited copy editor?

I am a bit shy about expressing my useless opinions. But I think this has been my most useful and enlightening post ever, and it should be reprinted and posted on every wine blogger's forehead, preferably with a nail gun.

Anonymous,

Catavinoonahottinroof! Loved it!

Thomas said...

Catavinoonahottinroof! Loved it!

Hosemaster,

Thank you. It was a spark of genius that I rarely display--oops, I'm anaonymous.

The real fun part was the heavy message and the "cheers" sign-off that so many spammers think we weasel bloggers can't figure out as spam.

abc said...

You would greatly enjoy the email I got this morning from a blogger in a dizzy because he has yet to get a review copy of a book that I have not even seen finished copies of yet.

I like most of the bloggers I work with, but the "you must give me something free" crowd can be more than a bit crazy making.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Amy Love,

Oh, yeah, sorry about that email. I just need to have Puff Daddy's new book soon! And for free. One positive review from me and it's an instant bestseller. In fact, send me ten copies.

abc said...

Well if you had said that in the email... I hadn't that you, alone could make it a bestseller.

See you Sunday?

Samantha Dugan said...

I feel like the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz....hate it when the smart guys get here first! Now I'm gonna have to bust my bra to get your attention again...dammit

Anonymous said...

Here's why, despite the unparallelled(!) insight I could offer to multiple readers, I don't try my hand at a blog. Whenever I think about things I would share on the blog, I think the same thing about it that HMW would surely think about it. It would suck about 94%. But there would be 6% of cool, interesting opinion and information. Admittedly, wine blogs almost always suck almost all of the time.

So, what does it mean to be the wine blogger who rips up and points out the shortcomings and idiosycrasies of ALL other wine blogs? What kind of reptilian creature bases a whole blog on criticizing people who would be so moronic that they would create a whole blog about wine and how it relates to their loserish existence? Only a superior being, obviously. We get it. Wine blogs suck. Not yours, though.

I don't mean to criticize only negatively. That's your territory.
How about telling us about a couple of wine blogs that you like (and why) once in a blue moon ? I'm all for satire, but when it's so constant and so biting, one has to wonder eventually what's eating you personally.

I recall that Sam posted a while back about a crank that slammed her writing and her palate and her whole web presence generally, and comments quickly rushed to her defense (as they should have). Strange that you and she have such a kinship on the boards when you are the cruellest attacker that bashes wine bloggers' sometimes meager efforts.

You have a terrific sense of humor, and I sometimes enjoy your taking the piss out of the wine world. Try being decent once in a while, though.

Andy Perdue said...

Hey, anonymous. Do we need to post a "Welcome to Fark" jpg for you?

Charlie Olken said...

Ooh la la. Anon must be a sommelier. You know, one of those guys who walks around with a silver spoon around his or her neck only it is actually cheap metal polished to look like silver.

What we just got was cheap metal. It may have been long and seemed to be intelligent, but this person is not only like a sommelier but a bad sommelier who tells you what wine to be but doesn't know what hell he is talking about because he has only been a sommelier for three years and before that he sold cell phones.

Of course, what I like most is the Anonymous name. People lacking the guts to post their own name with comments like those are basic frauds. They don't have the guts to exist.

So, Mr. Fraud, Mr. Bad Wine Advice, take you cheap tastevin and hit the road.

Samantha Dugan said...

My kinship is with Ron Washam, the fierce wit, the amazingly sweet man behind the HoseMaster curtain. I admire his willingness to call it as he sees it, his indignation at what is really a bunch of bullshit. Ron twists his passion for wine and this business, his disappointment in how puffy and full of shit we have all become, his experience into this funny blog that is like glimpsing a picture of yourself, (so long as you are willing to really and honestly look at yourself) taking a piss on the side of the road...and laugh.

I am laughing. I know that 94% of the shit I write is lame and self obsessed...so I laugh. Kinship.

The blogs he digs are easy to figure out, they are right there on his blogroll.

I don't want to be combative with someone that was and is sweet enough to read me but....I beg you to just take a second, read, understand and maybe after this little diatribe of mine, feel.

It's not scientific, it's not precise and it's not "as it has been" but it is funny...wicked funny, honest and so fucking beautifully written. I admire actual talent, words strung together in a way that they lift me, make me ache and alert me to the fact that the cat that is making fun of me is in fact WAY smarter than I am. Humbling.

And now I will slink off before The HoseMaster breaks my bawls.
I love you Ron
Always
Thank you for saying...it
And adoring me
I love you
Sam

Arthur Esteban Franciso Maria Conchita Alonzo Conception de Corazon de Jesus de la Vina Przebinda, MD, PhD, PDQ, VKM said...

Charlie

I think you'll find they pronounce it "sam-all-yay". It's the first thing they learn...


Ron:

Whatever happened to that "no anonymous comments" policy?

Samantha Dugan said...

okay am I the only one that is "raising the roof" right now?

"Hip hop hooray, yay yeah okay now Sam-all yay, hooray yay now"
Blogger
Sorry
Going away..hip hop hooray
Now

Sip with Me! said...

"Ohhh, free stuff. I do like free stuff! Thanks for the tip on the shirt and hat sizes, maybe that's why I haven't gotten any of those… yet. And where's my badge? I want one of those too :)

Seriously my dearest Jose, what about the flip side of this discussion. How about the lack of ethics SHOWN wine bloggers? How everyone wants to take advantage of and use the blogger… for free: Here write this about me, promote my event, give me social media advice. But I'm not going to pay you—you're a blogger, you're used to doing this shit for free.

If it's okay with you, I'd prefer to keep my poodle title. I guess I'm not evolved enough, but I'd much rather be a spoiled yet furry and snuggly barker than a weaselly badger who lives underground any day of the week.

The line that nearly spit my wine out of my nose tonight: "…unlike wine bloggers, hookers spit." Damn you're good.

Truth Daddy said...

I have got it figured out at last.

What we have here is the revenge fo the anencephalic bloggers. They have no brain so they have no name.

Arthur Esteban Franciso Maria Conchita Alonzo Conception de Corazon de Jesus de la Vina Przebinda, MD, PhD, PDQ, VKM. said...

Yes, but some are brachycephalic. So they can type, but can't remember their names.

Thomas said...

Good grief! I go away to get blasted on two--count 'em--bottles of wine and all hose breaks lose here at hellmaster.

Sip-with-me brings up a good point. For instance, in my newspaper columns, I refuse to write about the special events of wineries, and I get press releases every day about them. The way I view it, that's advertising, and advertising pays the newspaper's bills and my fee. Why should the wineries get free advertising?

But winery PR people aren't exactly dumb. Since I don't generally review wines, most wineries have figured out not to send me free samples. Maybe that's my mistake...

Anyway, to whomever wrote the anonymous post seeking that hosemaster write about the bloggers he likes, wouldn't that be like asking Tolstoy to write comedic novellas?

Anonymous said...

Sorry, everybody. Was posting under the influence last night. That entire diatribe was only for my own benefit, meaning I should have kept it to myself instead of subjecting you readers and commenters to it. That doesn't mean it's not true, however.

Forget about it, Hosie.

Anonymous said...

BTW, not a smelly A.

John Kafarski said...

Nothing wrong with free samples as long as you tell the readers where you got them from. The whole point of writing a blog, at least for me, is to educate and enlighten my readers as best as my ability allows me to do so. And if a winery, importer, distributor or friend wants to give me a bottle of wine for free, I will accept it and make sure it's obvious that I received it from them without paying.

There are already too many shills out there for wineries and importers, but that doesn't mean that all wine bloggers, writers and educators are on the take.

Great post.

Anonymous said...

Lastly, in defense of all sommeliers who ever sold a cell phone, the only title in the pantheon of the wine world that induces more douche chills than "sommelier" is "connoisseur". Just sayin'.

Thomas said...

John Kafarski,

Not aimed directly at you, because I have no idea what your background or wine knowledge is but,

"...to educate and enlighten my readers as best as my ability..."

In my humble view, it takes knowledge to educate and to enlighten, and wine knowledge isn't an automatic thing by virtue of having consumed a lot of wine over the years. Too many bloggers are self-appointed on that basis alone. If I still owned a winery, I wouldn't send them my lees for free.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

I guess I should check my blog more often before I go to sleep at night.

Anonymous,

If you ever do decide to begin your wine blog, which you should do without fear of the HoseMaster, you will find that there is little more annoying than people who post anonymously. If there's a reason you need to be anonymous, send me an email and tell me why and I'll let you post. Not that you want to. There are a few folks like that here, but I know who they are. Otherwise, I'll just delete your comments. Not because they're critical, but because they're meaningless without someone who will stand behind them. It's only wine, and it's only comedy, it's not hatemongering and racism.

There are thousands of "nice" wine blogs out there. I encourage you to read them. As Samantha points out, I have a blog roll of friends and of blogs I admire. I'm not doing this to be liked. I'm doing this to make people laugh, make them occasionally think, and if I intimidate a few bloggers out of saying and posting stupid things, well, that's a fringe benefit we can all enjoy. And, most importantly, I write HoseMaster for myself. I'm not David Sedaris or Garrison Keillor, I don't have much of an audience (though it's an educated and amazing audience), there is no other reason to do this except I enjoy doing it. I like exercising my HoseMaster voice, and I find that he leaves me alone if I give him voice here a few times a month.

And, Anonymous, you will notice that I carefully include HoseMaster as another moronic wine blog. I never exclude myself from the Poodle category. That's all part of the joke, my friend.

Satire needs exaggeration, it needs generalization, and it requires that you don't pull any punches. To be honest, I often make myself cringe with the cruelty of the HoseMaster's observations, and their unfairness. I often worry that I've crossed a line. But if it's funny, I let it stand. There is a line one might cross from funny over to stupid and tasteless, a line that's crossed every thirty seconds on Comedy Central, and I try to get as close to that line as I can, dangle one toe over it, and then not quite cross. This is entertaining for me. And probably only me.

I often tell my wife that I wish someone would go after the HoseMaster. A few have done so, but they always just use high school putdowns like "You're not even funny," and "Nobody likes you." You took the time, slightly drunk or not, to take a shot at me, and I appreciate that. But when you do it anonymously everyone is just going to think you're a coward, that you don't have the courage of your convictions. Even Ken Payton signed his diatribe, which appears in my Critics' Quotes. I read through your paragraphs, thought, "good for him/her," and waited to see who you were. Nobody.

Tamara Darling,

I've often ranted and raved (I know, hard to believe) about winery marketing folks and how they manipulate hapless bloggers. Bloggers see it as success that wineries notice them, then post free laudatory reviews and links to their event pages. It would be tragic were it not for the fact that the only folks that read wine blogs are other wine bloggers. This piece was about wine blogger ethics. Marketing ethics, well, it's hard to write about what doesn't exist.

My Gorgeous Samantha,

You flatter me with your admiration and love. I may be a sweet man behind the HoseMaster curtain, but it's what I write that I have to answer for, and I'm willing to do so, using my own name. Many folks find my blog offensive and not very funny. I'm OK with that. But there is something about wine that engenders passion, and that often leads to "puffy and full of shit" opinions. And poor writing. I guess I'm the sort of misanthrope who likes to point it out.

I am honored to have you in my life.

I love you!

abc said...

Ron
Speaking of comments I should make offline.

This:"Marketing ethics, well, it's hard to write about what doesn't exist."

Oh come on. I know it pleases the crowd but give me a break.

Charlie Olken said...

One further note to Anonymous.

At least I sign my posts. I am not hiding, which is more than we can say for you.

It is easy to insult people and run away. Have the guts to stand up and say who you are. I am not in favor of blacklisting people on any public medium, but you are getting dumped by Ron because you insult people and run away.

That makes you a coward--and queen of the douche chills.

Samantha Dugan said...

"Queen of the douche chills" I horked coffee all over my laptop...fuck. I love you Charlie

Arthur Esteban Franciso Maria Conchita Alonzo Conception de Corazon de Jesus de la Vina Przebinda, MD, PhD, PDQ, VKM. said...

George Carlin once said that everything can be funny, depending on the construct and exaggeration (he posited that rape can be funny if you imagine Elmer Fudd raping Porky Pig (or was that the other way around?)).
If you come to a venue known to you for something, you should not get bent out of shape if that happens to you: like getting picked on by the stand up comic in a comedy club, or Dr. Laura berating you (maybe an imperfect example given recent transpirings, but if you listen to her show for 10 years and she goes rabid on you when you call in....)

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Ah Amy,

Off the cuff jokes are just stupid. Foolish and too broad to be accurate. Let's see, you hate that I hate Twitter and you're offended that I took a cheap shot at marketing. None of that was aimed at you, Amy, and though I try never to apologize for what I say, if you took offense, I am sorry.

There are ethics to Marketing. Someone should use them besides you. And anyone else who reads this.

Anyone else hate me today? I'm feeling pretty proud of myself.

Samantha Dugan said...

Hate you?! Looks like a HoseMaster love fest to me. Shit at least you make people feel something, all tumbleweeds and crickets at my stupid blog.

Not that I am any prize Love but you still got me. I am nowhere as cool as over sized sun glasses but more lifelike than a cupie doll...oh and I simply adore you.

abc said...

Hate? Geez.
I'm just grumbly that instead of being a lawyer I chose the hated profession that pays nothing.

Thomas said...

I hate you, Hosemaster, for being funnier than I, and for becoming notorious for it...

Thomas said...

Incidentally, I think I ought to become anonymous (a tough word to type when you can't type).

My reason: stalkers; they can't seem to get enough of me.

Alfonso Cevola said...

I would love to hate you. But then I would hate myself. Ain't gonna happen Hosie...

This is better than that sweat lodge ceremony we did back in '79 with Russell Means.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Alfonso,

Wasn't Russell Means one of those Free Radicals they talk about in wine?

My Gorgeous Samantha,

Post an Anonymous hate mail on your blog. That will get rid of the crickets and tumbleweeds. Worked for me!

I love you!

Anonymous said...

Not really seeing that whether you know who I am has any bearing on the validity of anything I might say. Just seems a cheap way to give legitimacy to ignoring it. I'll choose to keep my own counsel regarding how much information I give you about myself, because there are people other than myself that depend on the fruits of my business. I wouldn't want somebody who is a fan of HMW or The 6th grade newsletter that has been obliquely referred to in previous posts to withhold the love.

Delete my comments if you will, Hosie. It's usually a sign of a weak minded leader who oppresses opinions that are critical or dissenting. Whatevs.

This is me not running away. Clark Kent don't make Superman a coward.

Marcia Macomber said...

Why do I feel like I gotta slip on boxing gloves to play in this sandbox anymore? It's gettin' tough in this room!

How about a little M.S. Conspiracy to offset the mood, HMW?

Oh, yeah, my word verif: fortafgu. See what I mean?

1WineDude said...

http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h186/Patopeaking/375901132_l.jpg

abc said...

Ron
I think you need to post a picture of a certain piglet to cheer us all up.
-Amy

Pamela @ Enobytes said...

There is a blog out there that has 11 readers? I gotta meet that guy…I could use some tips to increase my readership!

Tamara – thanks for calling out the flip side. I had a guy contact me wanting to be a guest contributor. Found out later he was only interested in posting his marketing material. WTF. Then he asked me to review his product as long as I paid for shipping and gave him a good review in exchange for his product. WTF.

Charlie Olken said...

Pam--

Your classic education is showing. Well-reasoned. Thoughtfully crafted.

WTF is about as clear as it gets.

Charlie

Samantha Dugan said...

rotflmao

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Anonymous,

I don't need legitimacy to ignore your comments, I only need integrity and intelligence. I don't care if you think I have a reptilian brain, and contribute nothing to the universe, and am a waste of human life. You're one of the weasels I refer to in my post, only you're the one that refuses to come out into the sun, afraid of your own shadow, and using others to try to make it seem legit. I haven't deleted you because you repeatedly make my point about the stupidity and ignorance of bloggers. Thank you.

The very definition of weak-minded is lacking the courage of one's convictions. Is that you or me?

Alfonso Cevola said...

blition
nopatetl
goviso

I do hate that your capthas are so doggone cool...there, I've said it. Again.

Thomas said...

Arguing with an anonymous--now that's not smart, HM. Just let it go. Those who understand the dynamics will understand to ignore; those who do not, are hopeless.

It is beginning to wear me down, this barrage of wine "experts."

Why aren't there more blogs about beef, cars, shoes, socks, eyeglasses, hats, belt buckles, nail clippers, anything but wine?

More important, why are people so damned cocksure that everyone cares about their thoughts?

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Thomas,

I don't mind debating with Anonymous. He or she is clearly just baiting me, but I'm aware of that. And, in the future, any unsigned Anonymous posts will get quickly deleted. In many ways, this Anonymous stands for a lot of wine bloggers who dislike what I write here. Ignoring them isn't smart, it's arrogant. He/she can't get under my skin any more than all the other clowns who have written me hate mail. Believe me, I've received reams of it over my life and it has never bothered me. It's affirmation. It makes me laugh. Anonymous' comment made me laugh outloud, a rare occurrence I can assure you.

It does seem to make folks uncomfortable. Me? I get a kick out of it.

And, hey, I forgot to welcome Pamela from Enobytes! Welcome, Pamela. I know I'm on your blog roll and I appreciate it. Thanks for your support, and please try to chime in here often. Really. My gang of regulars can be intimidating, but all voices are welcome.

Alfonso,

There you go acting like a regular wine blogger and repeating yourself.

I stay up all night writing those capture words--don't waste them frivolously.

Here are a few new ones I'm working on:

farkhole
blubducker
lickpadoodle
nerellomascalese

Enjoy!

Rebecca Banal said...

We know that we aren’t supposed to send information to bloggers as printed material, but is it true one should never send their winery's tasting notes to a blogger as a pdf? Our consultant says the bloggers have a hard time lifting the stuff from the fact sheet or tasting notes if we send it as a pdf. We do our best to help the blogger describe the wine and that includes sending it as a Word document, but we wonder if there is more we can do for them.

Becky Banal
Public Relations
Castello Banal

off2wine said...

There I was doing real work (checking facts) and realizing that daughter 3 was a poster child for a NYT Sunday Mag story when I finally had a break and read 50+ comments. Oh, and I did read the col, dear R. On target amidst the anonymous world of blogs, thanks.
Wine to rate is not free. It takes a lot of work to receive the wine, open it and sustainably or whatever dispose of the packaging, let alone the wine (yeah, tasting a lot of wine actually means dumping a lot of wine and that messes up your septic system if you live in the country. Drinking it all messes up your internal plumbing).
I wonder how the blourgeois will change the industry.

off2wine said...

Mme Banal has a good point.
Making sure the winery name is in the tasting note is helpful as it will be spelled correctly.
She might try sending phrases in xls for more reusable options for other wines.
Don't forget the personal anecdote about the dog (unless it's a Poodle).

Tom Johnson said...

Sorry I'm late. Traffic was a bitch.

I heard Samantha was going to bust her bra here. Did I miss it? And if I didn't, have I got time to go get a drink before the show starts?

Also, I'm going to need some singles.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Becky Banal,

Don't forget to include the recommended scores you want the bloggers to award you! Give them a choice--Double Gold Medal, or 9.0 to 9.5, or 94 points, or some sort of badge, maybe a Girl Scout merit badge. Using their own skills, God knows what kind of rating will emerge. You can't afford that kind of mistake.

Off2Wine,

I know, every so often the place gets noisy and 50 Comments show up. I didn't read them all, how were they? I hear I have some smart commenters.

The smart bloggers take the empty shippers and go to the nearest winery and ask for their complimentary refill. And you don't dump the wine down the drain unless you know it's bad, which doesn't ever seem to happen.

Tom,

Yeah, Internet traffic sucks, especially when you don't have any.

Pamela @ Enobytes said...

Thanks Charlie. I worked hard on that litt’l shindig. Fashizzle.

Ron- I call Boston home so intimidation is my middle name.

Becky– It’s called copy and paste.

Arthur Esteban Franciso Maria Conchita Alonzo Conception de Corazon de Jesus de la Vina Przebinda, MD, PhD, PDQ, VKM said...

Rebecca
What bloggers like even more is being told what score the wine they are getting got from the Wine Enthusiast.

Thad W. said...

After picking up myself from the floor laughing, I returned to my computer to bang out this post, or better put, manifesto: "I am consumer, not blogger". Thanks for the laughs and the inspiration. Keep up the good work making fools of us all!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Thad,

Thanks for the kind words. I don't strive to be inspiring. I just rant and rave. What, you don't want me to be nice like Anonymous Whoeverthehellsheis?

OK, you suckered me into reading your post. I usually just delete such blatant plugs, but it's your first time commenting so you get a little freebie. Your post was not bad at all. You made some nice observations.

And don't worry, I'll continue to make fools of us all, but most especially myself.

Thad W. said...

Ron, in all honesty, this was my second comment, which leads me to believe the first one months ago wasn't all that good. Regardless, I do appreciate you taking the time to read my post. Again, keep up the good work. As every court needs a jester, so does every blogosphere need a HoseMaster. Thank goodness the wine blogosphere has Ron Washam.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Thad,

Oops, my mistake. But dropping in every two months ain't exactly being a regular. Sorry I'd forgotten your earlier visit. Please chime in more often.

I liked this in your post:

"I am in awe of those who approach winegrowing and winemaking as a craft.
I am not impressed with those who are merely pushing a beverage for trade."

Nicely done.

OK, enough of the circle jerking.

Joe said...

11 readers? Must be nice. You've gotten out of touch with the common poodle, sir. Your assumptions are haughty, at best.

Or maybe this is because I own a blog east of the Mississippi (or "Mississipi" in Alabama...also east of the Mississippi/Mississipi). And I probably don't even own it. Those loanshark bastards at Blogger.

jenny said...

Next the government will be using google earth to mysteriously get into your wine cellar to see how many bottles you really have.

www.http://blog.onxwine.com

Samantha Dugan said...

Just up late, yearning for a wicked smart chuckle....where else would I go.
Missing you HoseMaster
Missing your voice a lot

Samantha Dugan said...

Was just talking to a mutual admirer of yours about how much we miss you....just thought you should know that.

Jason Phelps said...

Very interesting. There is no way I can take offense at any of this since it all boils down to lots of people using technology to project their opinions out into the wild hoping somebody cares. It's damn funny too, so why wouldn't I come back?

This is how I have come to see what I do. Writing about my adventures is just plain fun. I'm not an expert at anything, just living one experience at a time. Drinking wine is enjoyable and taking the time to distinguish it from others feels like a way to better myself. I just can't take it too seriously.

In that vain it probably stands to reason that you should ignore what I just wrote because I am a wine blogger who lives on the East Coast, in New Hampshire of all places! Do they even make wine there?

The fact that I also make wine at home, award winning no less, is also to be ignored because we are a whole other crew of people, amateur winemakers, that think they are the cats ass. I do that for fun too. And when it comes out bad I am the first one to laugh!!!!

I can't wait to come back for new laughs.

Thanks Ron!

Jason

Samantha Dugan said...

Just missing you. Aching for a laugh and the unique family that was born here. Sending you all of my love...My Love.

Samantha Dugan said...

Just missing you again....