Monday, December 7, 2015

How to Create Your Own Great Wine Cellar!

You don’t need a lot of money to create a great wine cellar. Any more than you need teeth to recite Shakespeare. Or fingers to go bowling. They just help you to not look and sound stupid doing it. You can begin a wine cellar with very little money, just as you can be a toothless Portia and say, “Nuh qualinee ah mernee ih nah strainuh.” It’s ultimately your humiliation, what do I care if you have a boring, worthless wine cellar? I know a fingerless guy who goes bowling every Tuesday, and has the stubs to prove it.

Assembling a great wine cellar isn't easy. Unless you follow the HoseMaster's simple directions, and, essentially, not bother. But you will have to make the magic Intergnats leap over to Tim Atkin's award-winning wine site to read the rest. And Tim's site is free! Not like that site where you're sent by the likes of Vornography's Alderpated and Elaine ChewBakaWakaMileInMyShoes Brown. The HoseMaster cares!



Charlie Olken said...

I notice that those "furriners" over on Atkin don't get it. No worries. We are going to ban them anyhow. But riddle me this, Riddler, how can you use the word "trump" these days with a straight face?

I did like a couple of punch lines that took more than a basic two-step to deliver. Complexity is always a good thing when talking about wine cellars.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

I'm not sure anybody gets it, these days, Charlie, especially me. In some ways, the longer you do this sort of crap, the more people become inured to it. Like we've become to gun violence. See what I did there? I equated HoseMaster to gun violence. I'm looking for the NRA vote.

"Trump" used to be a perfectly good word. Now it's a punchline. In a strange way, the Donald is doing us all a great service--reflecting how far too many people think in this great nation of ours. He's just FOXNews with even worse hair. He represents the evil in us as a nation; the blowhard, the corrupt, the part of us that plays fast and loose with the truth because the truth doesn't mean anything. He's not scary, he's banal.

I work tirelessly, my friend, so that people can like a couple of punchlines.

And when I publish over at Tim's, I know I get the week off from common taters. Not that I want a week off, I just furnish the excuse. But, many thanks to you, Puff Daddy, for showing up and contributing.

Bob Henry said...

"The Presidency as the Art of the Deal" (Wall Street Journal)

Marcia Macomber said...

Love it! Particularly "I keep the Port in solitary confinement because it’s the most fortified." Ha! That's a rimshot line if ever there was one.

Sorry to be short (in more ways than one). Super busy. But I love the post. Charlie's right about "trump" as well. We'll never be able to use it in common vernacular again w/o a new definition. (And it ain't nice!)

Back to the salt mine!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Marcia Love,
'Tis the season. Thanks for taking a moment to stop by and be a common tater.

Much love to you this holiday season! Can it be Christmastime already? Must be time for the HoseMaster's Letter to Santa! Stay tuned.


Samantha Dugan said...

Ron My Love,
Cannot wait for the Letter to Santa! Should you get stuck you can climb upon my lap and tell your wishes to me....
I love you!