Monday, July 2, 2018

The HoseMaster of Wine™ Sits for the Master of Wine Exam

I recently sat for the Master of Wine exam. I was in my own apartment, alone, and I was wearing only a bath robe and a Donald Trump merkin, which is how I imagined an insane person would take the test. I aced it. Insane people always do.

I’m not sure why people imagine it to be a difficult exam. Have you met any MWs? How hard could it be? I found it rather simple. Wine isn’t particularly challenging to understand. It’s made from grapes, rather like steaks are made from cows. Both are meant to be delicious. And, coincidentally, recent studies have shown that a large contributor to climate change is the methane produced by the belching of WSET candidates. It’s neat when things start to add up.

I remain the World's Only HMW, but I thought it might be interesting to take the Theory portion of the Master of Wine exam and see how I'd do. Luckily, the Court always publishes the questions from the exam every year. They're often quite whimsical. One of the questions this year asked which two grape varieties, one white and one red, would you rescue from a pernicious global wine disease. I love science fiction. The whole business of tasting and reviewing wines is based on science fiction. I couldn't decide which two varieties to save. Instead, I wondered which two MWs I would save, one man and one woman, if there were a disease that only killed MWs. I decided it might be best to let them all go. The two I saved might mate.

For the questions and answers, you'll have to go to the site of that most prestigious of MWs, Tim Atkin. I was surprised at how easy the test was, but you can judge for yourself. Though it's no longer in vogue, feel free to leave your comments, or alternative answers, at Tim's place. Or, if you must, check in here with your various witticisms and thoughts. Which two varieties would you save? 



  1. Good way to start a Monday, laughing at the wit of the Hose. Loved your quip on reverse osmosis, among others. Steve Pinzon

  2. Thanks, Steve!

    Man, it's quiet in the common taters section. I could get used to this. I guess I might have to...

  3. It's the doldrums of summer. It's too hot to do anything. From some of the questions you have illustrated, I suggest they use this in their next version of the test. "What color is a Beaujolais, true or false?"

  4. Paul,
    Yeah, I assign the lack of comments to climate change.

    My answer to your question is, "All of the above."

  5. "A suicide bomber at the Napa Valley Auction is an unfair response." This, dear Hose, left boogers on my screen. 'Nuff said.


  6. You're welcome, whomever you are. It's usually coffee folks eject from their noses, but boogers will do.

  7. About those cover crops ...........think about that for a second........

    Would the wine exhibit this through the nose? Or on the palate? Interesting.

  8. Ziggy,
    Sometimes that skunky smell isn't bad winemaking...