HoseMaster of Wine™
"We all live slapstick lives, under an inexplicable sentence of death..."--Martin Gardner
Monday, December 10, 2018
Please Give This Christmas, So I Don't Have To
What I dread about Christmas are the gifts. For example, I don’t want a Coravin. Coravins are stupid. Somebody is going to give me a goddam...
Wednesday, November 28, 2018
What Makes A Wine Worth Drinking: In Praise of the Sublime Via the Ridiculous
With apologies to Mr. Theise. I just couldn't help myself... I shop at a small farmers’ market in my town. Small because all the f...
Monday, November 5, 2018
The Court of Master Sommeliers: Who Says Cheaters Never Proctor?
My first reaction to the news that 23 new Master Sommeliers were having their letters recalled by the Court after one of the proctors...
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
With the imminent release of SOMM11, I thought it would be useful to briefly recap the first ten films in the series. The franchise shows n...
Thursday, October 4, 2018
Our Vanishing Master Sommeliers
Researchers say there are no more than 273 of them left in the world. Many of the males are old, long past a desirable reproductive age. ...
Monday, September 3, 2018
Freddie Perjury, Director of Greenwashing
Prick Family Vineyards owner Rich Prick has announced the hiring of Freddie Perjury as Director of Greenwashing. “I’ve given Freddie the as...
Monday, August 6, 2018
Natural Disaster Wines
Natural Wines are so last year. Oh, there’s the usual set of One Trick Phonies out there who will never stop evangelizing for Natural Wines...
Monday, July 2, 2018
The HoseMaster of Wine™ Sits for the Master of Wine Exam
I recently sat for the Master of Wine exam. I was in my own apartment, alone, and I was wearing only a bath robe and a Donald Trump merkin,...
Monday, June 4, 2018
A Visit to the Napa Valley Old Wine Critics Home
“You want to know what really drives me nuts?” Sam Euthanasia, World’s Oldest Wine Critic, tells me, “The whole place smells like pee. It’s...
Monday, May 7, 2018
Erotica for the Natural Wine Lover
He was the most handsome man in the bar. I knew he was the one when he walked over to the jukebox and selected my favorite song—The Police’...
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