tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post8640345572521610203..comments2024-02-25T02:50:53.858-08:00Comments on HoseMaster of Wine™: In Pursuit of Balance: A Love StoryRon Washam, HMWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-89916418501300872812015-07-05T13:56:57.961-07:002015-07-05T13:56:57.961-07:00Absolutely hilarious.Absolutely hilarious.Mason Balistrerihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02713539394781180698noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-71001006924127415212014-04-08T18:33:01.382-07:002014-04-08T18:33:01.382-07:00Eric,
Well, in fact, IPOB certainly does have the ...Eric,<br />Well, in fact, IPOB certainly does have the ring of truthiness, doesn't it? Ron Washam, HMWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-1130545985347564602014-04-08T17:14:29.040-07:002014-04-08T17:14:29.040-07:00It's especially delicious when The HoseMaster ...It's especially delicious when The HoseMaster takes an angle akin to the Stephen Colbert of Wine.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16425763922370850318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-3980468171839547792014-04-07T14:34:51.417-07:002014-04-07T14:34:51.417-07:00Dear HMW -
Anything you might say that "sti...Dear HMW - <br /><br />Anything you might say that "stirs up a wine 'chat-room'" should be met with a parade. Some may declare you a miracle worker for slapping the paddles on those corpses! <br /><br />Without grist for the mill, there just ain't no bread. Stick it out! <br /><br />j. comfort<br /><br />Joseph Comforthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07869768700460763898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-64076384018720623522014-04-07T14:34:41.319-07:002014-04-07T14:34:41.319-07:00Dear HMW -
Anything you might say that "sti...Dear HMW - <br /><br />Anything you might say that "stirs up a wine 'chat-room'" should be met with a parade. Some may declare you a miracle worker for slapping the paddles on those corpses! <br /><br />Without grist for the mill, there just ain't no bread. Stick it out! <br /><br />j. comfort<br /><br />Joseph Comforthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07869768700460763898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-6623947474373674382014-04-06T09:13:03.502-07:002014-04-06T09:13:03.502-07:00Miran,
Nice to have such a notable wine guy on my ...Miran,<br />Nice to have such a notable wine guy on my side. And you're the first person to propose to me since Marlene, though she's more my type, what with having girl parts and all.<br /><br />I only received the huge reaction to this piece because Robert Parker liked it, and said so on his eBob chat room. My piece might be controversial, but he is really controversial. I don't flatter myself to think that it would have gotten much reaction at all without his words. As soon as someone like him, or Steiman or Molesworth, says I'm funny, the usual clowns say I'm not. They rarely argue the point of the piece, only the merits of my lack of talent. I always wonder why they read my blog, then. I don't read the work of writers I don't like, unless I'm going to satirize them. Bunch of chat room chuckleheads.<br /><br />Thanks, Miran.<br /><br />Leo,<br />The quotes in bold are taken directly from the IPOB manifesto published on their website. It's wine gobbledy-gook of the highest order, and was what really triggered this piece.Ron Washam, HMWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-91687350361151916852014-04-06T08:45:45.779-07:002014-04-06T08:45:45.779-07:00Ron, thanks again for your fine irony nd sharp sar...Ron, thanks again for your fine irony nd sharp sarcasm, that unveil our frail defense against institutional stupidity. The iPob Manifesto is real, or just a bad joke ?LeoFerrandohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01252029922865499638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-65366509471167235042014-04-06T00:42:16.428-07:002014-04-06T00:42:16.428-07:00Ron...
Had I not been hetereosexual and had I not...Ron...<br /><br />Had I not been hetereosexual and had I not been married I would love to marry you on the spot and give birth to something...special. Something us. I would never let you go, Ron...<br /><br />The IPOB thing is a Masterpiece, competeing with the lost introduction of The New Californian Wine and Higher Alcoholics Anonymous for the top spot, in my humble opinion.<br /><br />The best thing with your writings is the extra bonus offered. I can't decide which is more hilarious, you're written words or the comments from people who are rubbed the wrong way and now stand there - very annoyed - with there pants down, failing to see the satire and above all, no kidding, actually trying to defend such an absolutely ridiculous thing. As a market ploy, sure...kudos. But talking about putting a foot wrong with such an laughable name...in PURSUIT of BALANCE. How wonderful that at least SOME are pursuing this quest since we live in a world where most winemakers around the world don't. Yeah, right... :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18347477829310055172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-87538968211681937882014-04-05T15:11:54.399-07:002014-04-05T15:11:54.399-07:00I had attended the IPOB tasting a few times, thoug...I had attended the IPOB tasting a few times, though I think they viewed me as "unbalanced" and this year I did not receive an invitation.<br />*****<br />But a handful of the wineries associated with that "organization" (if you deem them 'organized') make wines I find to be of good quality. Yet many of the wines being shown there are, from a consumer's perspective, quite <i> unbalanced </i>: they have heavyweight price tags and lightweight quality.<br />*****<br />Why wasn't the Siduri winery participating? I always thought Adam Lee pursued balance in his wines, no?<br />*****<br /><br />ANONYMOUS IUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08584622822476730756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-68272165550536784182014-04-05T12:02:56.893-07:002014-04-05T12:02:56.893-07:00...and when you are done, you'll have palates,......and when you are done, you'll have palates, palettes, pallets (pick one) loads of material. <br /><br />Ah, English.Thomashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07322028233207741737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-77332806065923227672014-04-05T09:52:29.066-07:002014-04-05T09:52:29.066-07:00Renzo,
First of all, thank you for the kind words,...Renzo,<br />First of all, thank you for the kind words, encouragement, and for being a reliable common tater.<br /><br />I'm not being disingenuous when I say I'm not seeking approval. Simply put, you can't effectively write satire if you are seeking approval. Do I seek an audience? Yes, of course. I did, inadvertently, create a brand in the HoseMaster of Wine™. That was just luck, never intent. I'm glad, and flattered, but it just happened.<br /><br />I will say it one more time--the vast majority of comedy writers are filled with self-loathing. That makes taking compliments very difficult. The upside is, it makes taking insults incredibly easy. And that's more important to the job.<br /><br />I don't even know how long I'll continue. I've proven to myself now that I can sustain my brand of stupidity for a significant amount of time. That's what I set out to do. From now on, it's just habit. Habits die hard, but they do die.Ron Washam, HMWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-70473843664072689902014-04-05T09:28:24.609-07:002014-04-05T09:28:24.609-07:00"It's only wine. Some of it Natural, Auth..."It's only wine. Some of it Natural, Authentic and Certified Sensitive, and some of it not. But for all of us, it's just wine. That I irritate a few of the soreheads and "experts," or that I gain some of their approval, it's not the least bit important to me."<br /><br />... So says you. Even though it isn't likely to be completely true. What you said there about reaction to your words is the predominant takeaway. You really don't seem to care about "branding." (Ha!). Your self-deprecation is always on high. And you really are hesitant to take an unqualified compliment. (Except for shouted sweet nothings and double entendre from a certain bloggess). <br />I'll say it again anyway. Please continue doing whatever it is that you say your doing. You are a genuine trou normand -- never wooden, always refreshing :)renzohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06719763151397519334noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-35687210952216471692014-04-05T08:41:25.661-07:002014-04-05T08:41:25.661-07:00Thomas,
I get your point, but apparently it bother...Thomas,<br />I get your point, but apparently it bothers you more than it bothers me. However anyone twists the HoseMaster's words, it's fine by me. The HoseMaster makes a living doing the same thing (well, not a living, but you get the idea). I can hardly complain when someone twists the HoseMaster's words, or insults him, or thinks my work is third-rate. You dish it out, you learn very quickly to take it. I learned that forty years ago. <br /><br />I knew that making fun of IPOB was going to stir up the wine chat rooms, and that many would reveal their dislike of my work, and many would defend it. They spend their whole lives trying to be right all the time. As I've said before, you play Dungeons and Dragons to pretend you're a hero, you go on eRobertParker to pretend you're a wine expert. And a literary expert as well, sometimes. Many of them think reading my blog is a waste of time--this from guys whose identities rely on hours and hours on eBob or wineberserkers. It's laughable on the face of it.<br /><br />I don't choose subjects in order to get attention or views. Behind the scenes, at least around where I live, a lot of people are fed up with IPOB's attitude. I just decided to have some fun with that. It's only wine. Some of it Natural, Authentic and Certified Sensitive, and some of it not. But for all of us, it's just wine. That I irritate a few of the soreheads and "experts," or that I gain some of their approval, it's not the least bit important to me.Ron Washam, HMWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-19170082739450165922014-04-05T07:25:00.801-07:002014-04-05T07:25:00.801-07:00Ron:
Whether or not RP agrees with you is not wha...Ron:<br /><br />Whether or not RP agrees with you is not what I was getting at. I've seen something that he wrote regarding this particular blog entry. He has taken your satire and applied it to his animosity toward anyone who disagrees with his position, pointing out that you agree with his position.<br /><br />It is of course a false comparison, and you can't stop others from using your writing to make believe you are on their side of a particular argument. It is the price we must pay for going public with our art and our ideas, but that does not mean it is a pleasant thing to witness.<br /><br />HMW: His Majesty Washam, no?<br /><br /><br /><br />Thomashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07322028233207741737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-22838386630991377482014-04-04T18:42:51.148-07:002014-04-04T18:42:51.148-07:00Thomas,
Don't get me wrong. I welcome criticis...Thomas,<br />Don't get me wrong. I welcome criticism of my work, and love how angry it makes some people. Where some see laughter, others see negativity. For the most part, the folks who disparage my work are often simply upset that no one is talking about their work. I don't care what anyone thinks of it, and never have.<br /><br />When I've lampooned Parker, and that's often, people loved it. When I lampoon someone else and Parker approves, they think I'm a hack. I try to respect my audience's intelligence, but, frankly, many don't deserve it. I leave them to write their endlessly dull winery profiles, monotonous and worthless tasting notes, and second-rate opinions on third-rate sites. I'm just here talking to myself.<br /><br />Parker, or anyone, can agree or disagree with my foolishness. I only try to make people laugh. I'm not here to proselytize, or educate, or campaign. I try to say original things in interesting and funny ways. I fail more often than not. When a piece like this blows up, and is talked about, I am dumbfounded. It's comedy. It's satire. It's trivial crap. It's sure not worth talking about.<br /><br />Charlie,<br />Damn, I was hoping it was an HMW Zinfandel. I'd sue those bastards. With Parker as my attorney.Ron Washam, HMWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-18096170073108066892014-04-04T16:58:24.880-07:002014-04-04T16:58:24.880-07:00By the way, Ron, are you making wine? Had a Zin to...By the way, Ron, are you making wine? Had a Zin today whose name is HMW. Very scary whether it is you or somebody who wants to be you.<br /><br />Oops. Just checked the label. It is HRW. Close but no Hosemaster. How could there be?Charlie Olkenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02513782687786106137noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-35557895002556891642014-04-04T13:19:16.104-07:002014-04-04T13:19:16.104-07:00Fantastic. One of my favorite HMWs ever.Fantastic. One of my favorite HMWs ever.Dan Fishmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06693288530873887597noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-85767199272970458942014-04-04T12:16:45.361-07:002014-04-04T12:16:45.361-07:00Ron:
I applaud your ability, not to mention desir...Ron:<br /><br />I applaud your ability, not to mention desire to be yourself. <br /><br />If wine biz people don't like being satirized, they should stop being so stupid about how they go about promoting themselves. <br /><br />As Charlie said above, the subject of wine balance is about individual wines. There is no formula. What's more, it is not a mysterious activity that requires the kind of near-pompous babble found on that website, which I would never have visited had this blog entry not appeared. <br /><br />Having said that, I think you have stirred Mr. Parker, who seems to be using your jokes and satire to bolster his rigidity, animosity, and overall sad expressiveness.Thomashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07322028233207741737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-26659632188620885302014-04-04T11:48:47.099-07:002014-04-04T11:48:47.099-07:00John,
I assume the "yawn" is for my piec...John,<br />I assume the "yawn" is for my piece. <br /><br />I guess every generation thinks they figured out wine, and discovered balance. IPOB makes me laugh and so I decided to have some fun with them. <br /><br />Thanks for chiming in, John. Don't be such a stranger.Ron Washam, HMWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-51768399756009558882014-04-04T11:23:46.453-07:002014-04-04T11:23:46.453-07:00Charlie, a pallet is what is used to transport you...Charlie, a pallet is what is used to transport your wine. A palette is used to hold daubs of paint. You need to be sure to keep your varietals of wood straight. <br /><br />I agree that IPOB is all about marketing, and the idea of a "manifesto" and "revolution" are sure attention-getters for a demographic that grew up with overblown Napa Cabs as the ideal aspiration. <br /><br />I see IPOB at its core as a conversation, a discussion that this generation needs to have. <br /><br />Some who have been around longer [ahem] had this discussion a couple decades ago and have been living, growing and making wine by the individual conclusions we drew from it ever since. My personal reaction is [yawn].Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10718971498519390492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-69518193386999117152014-04-04T09:47:18.968-07:002014-04-04T09:47:18.968-07:00Untalented, unfunny and adolescent.
Refer those f...Untalented, unfunny and adolescent.<br /><br />Refer those folks to Gabriel Jagle's first comment on this piece. "Hilarious".<br /><br />Sticking pins in pomposity may have a message but it is also about humor. Screw 'em if they can't get the joke.Charlie Olkenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02513782687786106137noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-70504755745747615002014-04-04T08:45:11.612-07:002014-04-04T08:45:11.612-07:00Charlie,
There is a religious undertone to my piec...Charlie,<br />There is a religious undertone to my piece. I had vaguely in mind a virgin birth scenario, and I used some religious terminology, but I didn't think that was the point. If there is a point.<br /><br />I checked Twitter, as I sometimes do when my stats blow up, and my stupid piece has been tagged by folks like Harvey Steiman, James Molesworth, and, yes, Raj Parr. Glad to have such a distinguished audience. <br /><br />Though I don't care, I am accused in various circles of being pro-Parker, pro-Heimoff, untalented, unfunny, and,always when you write jokes, adolescent. I love that so many people hate what I do,it's validating. I simply write whatever comes onto my head. Agendas are for the dull-witted, and IPOB is a good, though successful, example of that.<br /><br />I've stuck a lot of pins in a lot of balloons. But the amount of hot air in the wine biz, the nearly infinite number of balloons, makes it a Quixotic task. Ron Washam, HMWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-70572685189222757332014-04-04T08:24:22.548-07:002014-04-04T08:24:22.548-07:00Ron--You are, of course, correct that there is a m...Ron--You are, of course, correct that there is a massive marketing motive behind IPOB, and if it stopped with that, then I would not be so bothered by it.<br /><br />But, it is the "I am right and you are wrong" aspect of this that bugs me. Wander over to STEVE! today and read the first comment on his Carneros editorial. Some fool over there professes to have regained his interest in Carneros Pinot because he tasted on that reminded him of Oregon.<br /><br />IPOB is more than a statement of preference, more than a marketing mechanism. It is a movement, and I would remind you that one of its leaders uses the word "Revolution" to describe his view on the subject.<br /><br />Thanks for sticking a pin in their balloon, but I think it will take many more pin pricks before their religious ferver is exposed for what it is.<br /><br />Finally, had a meeting with a winemaker whose wines are occasionally championed by the IPOB folks (two in the top 100 at the SF Chron) who is willing to go on the record with his opinion that these folks have forgotten the basic rule. Wine is not to be judged by formula but by what is in the bottle.Charlie Olkenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02513782687786106137noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-21219456347894306712014-04-04T06:10:17.512-07:002014-04-04T06:10:17.512-07:00Ron:
It fools only the unbalanced.Ron:<br /><br />It fools only the unbalanced.Thomashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07322028233207741737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-12847022290938834462014-04-03T22:13:21.264-07:002014-04-03T22:13:21.264-07:00Puff Daddy,
I think IPOB is simple marketing, and...Puff Daddy,<br /><br />I think IPOB is simple marketing, and rather transparently so. But it has been successful. <br /><br />Wine is big enough that it can include all kinds of styles. One would assume that most small producers think their wines are the most expressive, IPOB just figured out a way to attach the word "balance" to their style before anyone else did. In magic, this is called misdirection. In both cases, magic and IPOB, it's simple sleight of hand. It fools an awful lot of people.Ron Washam, HMWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.com