tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post429880658350566317..comments2024-03-22T00:35:12.415-07:00Comments on HoseMaster of Wine™: The HoseMaster of Wine™ at the Napa Valley Professional Wine Writers Symposium: Part TwoRon Washam, HMWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-27870482982732295742016-03-12T12:40:24.162-08:002016-03-12T12:40:24.162-08:00Charlie,
There's a reason why Hoser and I are...Charlie,<br /><br />There's a reason why Hoser and I are never seen in the same room.<br /><br />Same reason why Andy Kaufman and Tony Clifton are were never seen in the same room.<br /><br />(Spoiler alert! Yes, Andy is still very much alive -- living in recluse Howard Hughes's former penthouse suite here in Lost Wages.)<br /><br />We are ONE AND THE SAME people.<br /><br />~~ LarryLarry Anosmia, M.S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02560603104043563685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-58993452724866684132016-03-12T11:40:52.271-08:002016-03-12T11:40:52.271-08:00Charlie,
I would NEVER sucker punch Hoser.
There...Charlie,<br /><br />I would NEVER sucker punch Hoser.<br /><br />There have got to be rules in a fist fight:<br /><br />https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPqhm36sjVE<br /><br />~~ LarryLarry Anosmia, M.S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02560603104043563685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-58465025753424537812016-03-12T09:55:37.940-08:002016-03-12T09:55:37.940-08:00Dear Larry--
I can't imagine why you weren...Dear Larry--<br /><br />I can't imagine why you weren't invited--except possibly that you cannot tell the difference between natural wine and "feces and feet". Besides, it is well known that Hosemaster cannot be seen in the same room as you. It's kind of a Trump-avoidance kind of thing lest you sucker punch him.Charlie Olkenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02513782687786106137noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-79394945128372286632016-03-11T18:31:59.794-08:002016-03-11T18:31:59.794-08:00Molly,
I haven't the foggiest idea why you...Molly,<br />I haven't the foggiest idea why you're terrified, but thank you for sucking it up and being a common tater.<br /><br />I suspect you're right about winemakers, and I've taken some shots at your kind over the years, but so much of what I know about most winemakers is filtered through wine writers and always smells like marketing departments (re: R.H. Drexel). Though I'm kicking around a parody of her rather fatuous work for Vinous. Stay tuned.Ron Washam, HMWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-4024188694949165122016-03-11T15:02:58.799-08:002016-03-11T15:02:58.799-08:00Ron!
A bit terrified to leave a comment here, but ...Ron!<br />A bit terrified to leave a comment here, but here goes. I realize you were just at a wine writer's conference, hence the focus here, but please do not leave out poking fun at winemakers, too. We are a just as insecure and serious bunch. <br />MollyAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01165319572640072369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-31550036447651562342016-03-11T10:15:03.926-08:002016-03-11T10:15:03.926-08:00Clare,
Thank you for such a sweet note. Far too ki...Clare,<br />Thank you for such a sweet note. Far too kind, and I don't really belong in the same wine writing breath as Hugh Johnson, but I'll graciously accept it. I'm very sorry I didn't have the chance to meet you. I've seen your kind Tweets about me, and I appreciate your being such a loyal fan. (Funny how more women than men are fans of my raucous and blasphemous wine blog--wonder what that says.)<br /><br />Easy to find my email in my About Me section if you'd like to share a glass of wine or a meal one day. It would be great fun to meet you. I rarely bite, though I routinely slobber.Ron Washam, HMWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-71596012628857411432016-03-11T08:28:42.164-08:002016-03-11T08:28:42.164-08:00Ron, the problem is no one would ever be quite as ...Ron, the problem is no one would ever be quite as hilarious as you - you've set the bar too high. Thank you! I snuck in to the Symposium just to hear Hugh. I have been privileged to work with him for many years. Be thankful to have felt merely like a fish out of water, the beached whale experience is a great deal more excruciating I can tell you. I had also really hoped to meet you - two of my favourite writers in one place at the same time and within handshaking, fan fainting reach, what an opportunity. But I left without finding you, far too awed. I hope for another time. You're right of course - there needs to be levity and a lot more joy. But we can't all write like you and Hugh and I am just so grateful to have you both to read and to adore.Clare Tooleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17302155626148101984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-57246331542972851562016-03-11T03:00:27.407-08:002016-03-11T03:00:27.407-08:00Geez . . . Geoff Kruth MS, Sur Lucero MS, Gillian ...Geez . . . Geoff Kruth MS, Sur Lucero MS, Gillian Balance MS, Andrea Robinson MS and Doug Frost MS MW were all in attendance . . . and I wasn't invited?<br /><br />Fuhgettabout Geoff and his strand of hair. I would have put a fly in Hoser's chestnut soup!<br /><br />(Sounds like you got co-opted . . .)Larry Anosmia, M.S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02560603104043563685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-43752292148625088302016-03-10T21:47:43.419-08:002016-03-10T21:47:43.419-08:00Hey Gang,
As something of a final thought, it has...Hey Gang,<br /><br />As something of a final thought, it has always been the case that people in the wine business have proclaimed that the trade needs to take itself less seriously. And then, the next piece they write, they return to being sanctimonious and preachy and outright boring. I do not expect that to change, and certainly not because of what I write.<br /><br />"Elements of my commentary," as Geoff puts it, are intended to offend, to insult, to lampoon and belittle. That is satire's job. I only wish I were better at it. I don't write to become famous, or to educate, or to change the world. I write because I like to write. There are a thousand people writing political satire, and satire about families and raising kids and, well, almost anything you can name. Wine satire seemed like a tiny niche that was pretty empty and that I could fill. That I have any audience, especially an industry audience, is some sort of proof that there's a yearning for this brand of tomfoolery. That wine continues to be a comic wasteland only reinforces its image of snobbery and elitism.<br /><br />Comedy, and satire, about wine expresses as deep a passion for wine as Master Sommelier and Master of Wine programs do. It does not tear down wine, it tears down the pretension about wine, which most of us agree is inappropriate. But the pretension around wine is deep and abiding, and needs a sledgehammer to bring it down, not a wave of the hand. Too many of you wave a hand at it. I prefer the sledgehammer of irreverence, profanity, anger, and good old common sense. Ron Washam, HMWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-57927629705774531382016-03-10T16:28:17.493-08:002016-03-10T16:28:17.493-08:00Ron,
Glad you enjoyed the card. I wanted to tie a ...Ron,<br />Glad you enjoyed the card. I wanted to tie a hair to it, but I didn't want it to get in your chestnut soup – chiefly because I was providing the pairing.<br /><br />While I find elements of your commentary too much for my palate, I couldn't agree more that wine writing is wanting for humor; I always find something here to enjoy, which is more than I can say for many somms' wine lists. Even so, like humor, we need more trained sommeliers – to spread the passion for wine and expand the professionalism of the trade.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01379808667988253054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-13428374949922121842016-03-10T15:37:30.416-08:002016-03-10T15:37:30.416-08:00The lack of humor in wine, written or otherwise, i...The lack of humor in wine, written or otherwise, is bizarre to say the least. It is, after all, a drink that is meant to be shared and enjoyed with others. And alcohol ("the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems"- Homer Simpson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUVwR0rw5fk ) does make people do some pretty funny things. Things that we should talk about. Sure, the making of wine is a science that we like to call "Art", both very serious things. But people need humor in life to make it worth living. I always say I've learned more about wine, and the people and places that make it great, from the "Off the script" conversations. The things that aren't on the tour or the brochure and sell sheets. If wanted to work in a business without humor I would have become an accountant or sell copiers. <br />I think wine is funny, and the fact that people take it too seriously is even funnier. Long live humor!Danielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13947624477553194151noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-80705495088585035232016-03-10T14:02:51.576-08:002016-03-10T14:02:51.576-08:00Hey Ron,
You touch on a great point here. All to...Hey Ron,<br /><br />You touch on a great point here. All too often wine people take themselves so damn seriously, it just sucks the life out of the whole damn thing. From the fake chateaux in Napa, made of cinder blocks and drywall, to the bow-tied, pretentious little shit at the "hot" new restaurant, it's enough to make you queasy. This glorified, self-importance is rampant and needs to stop. I appreciate you trying to provide some needed levity. I wish more tried to carry your banner.<br /><br />Wine is hard work and wasted time. It is earnest and also absurd. Like life, it is all of these things, and yet, just wine. When I used to train people in the cellar, on their first day I would pull them aside and say, "Remember, no one should die trying to make wine. All of this around you is just for fun. None of this really matters. Now, don't do something stupid like get yourself hurt."<br /><br />Glad you had fun at the symposium (can't we just call it a conference?) We missed you at the World of Pinot Noir. Keep up the good fight.<br /> <br /><br />Cris Carterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13772239399604864961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-5380517374200058942016-03-10T13:42:24.772-08:002016-03-10T13:42:24.772-08:00Ron,
I always feel that if I walk away with a fe...Ron, <br /><br />I always feel that if I walk away with a few pearls from a conference, it has been worth attending. Sounds like you walked away with several - yay! I've had the pleasure of meeting Virginie too, and hope to someday have the opportunity to meet Lana after reading about your lovely evening. <br /> <br />Thanks for a fun read on the symposium... I do agree with you, it would be so nice if the wine world lightened up a bit! <br /><br />Cheers!<br />MaryAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01048896051401305775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-25666478675476416792016-03-10T12:17:29.178-08:002016-03-10T12:17:29.178-08:00Ron:
I thought maybe they could call next year...Ron:<br /><br />I thought maybe they could call next year's the New Jersey Professional Wine Writers Symposium at the Meadowlands.Thomashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07322028233207741737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-57439426967692128162016-03-10T10:42:22.410-08:002016-03-10T10:42:22.410-08:00Thomas,
The key phrase is "at Meadowood."...Thomas,<br />The key phrase is "at Meadowood." What a gorgeous venue, and, then they tie it to Napa Valley Premier Week. So maybe hitchhike? If it's good enough for John Waters...<br /><br />Lisa,<br />I was going to, but then I went to that self-publishing seminar and Alderpated made me change my mind. Plus, I only want to do it if it weighs as much as Kelli White's grossly obese Napa book. Which, with my crap, it probably would.<br /><br />Steve,<br />Thank you, very kind words. If I knew how my mind worked the way it does, I'd be pretty excited. It's a total mystery to me.<br /><br />David,<br />And, as we know, it's making it NOT look like work that is the mark of great writing, except maybe for James Joyce, but he could write for World of Fine Wine and seem absolutely inarticulate and slow.<br /><br />I love to meet writers, though it's often a strange experience. These lonely hours in front of blank page drive even the steadiest of us slightly wacky.<br /><br />Kbell,<br />Not sure how lucky Lana was, but that kind of lucky fate only happens once in a long while.Ron Washam, HMWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-83774588586816662092016-03-10T10:12:18.273-08:002016-03-10T10:12:18.273-08:00Lana! The lovely Lana--she is one of my favorite ...Lana! The lovely Lana--she is one of my favorite wine people and of course you enjoyed the evening in her company. Lucky for both of you!<br />Cheers!<br />Kbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04346094842429649839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-63865689303220433662016-03-10T09:57:30.826-08:002016-03-10T09:57:30.826-08:00We all hate the ain't that the truth.. in my l...We all hate the ain't that the truth.. in my last comment I alluded to a scene with William Goldman and Irwin Shaw, didn't describe it, cause I don't like to go on and on.. but it relates to that point exactly.. Goldman said he got to have lunch with Shaw who was one of his literary heroes and he said it was a disaster, not on Shaw's part, he said he was tough, thoughtful, funny, everything he hoped, but he felt totally inferior, then on the sidewalk, he said too eagerly, hoping like all us writers, "It was easy for you wasn't it?" And Shaw sighed, "It was never easy..." And then Goldman really felt bad, I had insulted his art he wrote...<br />Shaw's The Girls In Their Summer Dresses, is my favorite short story... Shaw could never understand why people loved it so much, but I guess he was too close to it, because to me it captures all the joy, sadness, happiness, heartbreak and melancholy that is inherent in relationships and life in just a few short pages.<br />Bob Dylan makes no apology for the millions he makes, says people don't see the pool of sweat at the bottom of each song.. I know what he means, I said to my girl the other day, when I started writing I couldn't understand why I was exhausted after finishing a piece, it's not like I was digging a ditch, but yeah, don't let anyone tell you that writing is not damn hard work..Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11992278224164669829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-55929340993688659662016-03-10T09:55:34.223-08:002016-03-10T09:55:34.223-08:00"...I hope one day to be good enough" I..."...I hope one day to be good enough" If you get any gooder we'll have to turn down the hose! How thoughts emanate from within your mind is unknowable. How you flow from wine writing to Chris Rock to rock-paper-scissors is amazing...and beautiful. Very much appreciated, and we're always looking forward to the next hosing.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03850126571536527606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-24162530740184097282016-03-10T09:37:22.692-08:002016-03-10T09:37:22.692-08:00Ron, it seems the time has come for you to publish...Ron, it seems the time has come for you to publish a compilation of your posts, show the world of professional wine writers & journalists that the grass is indeed greener on the other side. Just a thought, and perhaps the last thing you want to do but think of the service it would render to the other 99.999% currently being published...<br /><br />Kind regards, <br />LisaUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10707213330966737597noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-30098250060810474592016-03-10T09:29:44.276-08:002016-03-10T09:29:44.276-08:00Do they ever hold the symposium east of California...Do they ever hold the symposium east of California? One day, I'd like to be able to attend, but unlike big name wine writers, unknowns like me neither are invited to speak nor have money to give to Delta Airlines...and I used to write for Jim Gordon. For shame.<br /><br />Nice story, Ron. Glad it turned out better than expected for you.Thomashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07322028233207741737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-68886873383696655672016-03-10T07:55:13.789-08:002016-03-10T07:55:13.789-08:00George,
The focus of the event was wine writing, a...George,<br />The focus of the event was wine writing, and humor never was a part of the conversation, especially when I was speaking. And then everyone wonders why people think wine is so stuffy and snooty. I was reading World of Fine Wine last night and was astounded at how dry and humorless the writing was, except for a piece by Jacqueline Friedrich which showed some wit. <br /><br />There are funny people in the business. Jeffery Davies, to be certain, and Doug Frost. And there are great comic writers like Randall Grahm, when he's not hatching some crackpot scheme. But these famous editors and writers and writing coaches never talked about how humor can sell a piece, attract an audience, make an article stand out. It's fine, it's not that important, I was just amazed at the total absence of humor.<br /><br />Though I shouldn't be.<br /><br />Thanks, George, for being a common tater!Ron Washam, HMWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11238869156614617705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6745003136564123305.post-91153450958272396072016-03-10T07:33:34.143-08:002016-03-10T07:33:34.143-08:00Humour? Used to slide a bit in back in the day whe...Humour? Used to slide a bit in back in the day when I was the wine guy for the Kansas City Start. Jeff Davies, Parker's buddy in Bordeaux, is clever, witty, and will drive you crazy with his puns. Get to know Dougie Frost--he has a *very* sly sense of humour. You're pretty funny yourself, you know. Sounds like you had a good time in Napa. Bien fait!<br />George Gale<br />Kansas City and Montréal<br />_Dying on the Vine_, U. Calif. PressAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634281029049678129noreply@blogger.com