What We're Reading

Compiled by the editors of HoseMaster of Wine™

STEVE!: A fascinating look at how a working critic manages to have spotless integrity in a world of wine reviewing corruption. STEVE! wonders why he doesn’t have more fame and influence arguing that, “while there are, understandably, differences in opinions about the same wine, only my scores come from a deep, dark, needy place.”

WINE SPECTATOR ONLINE: A wealth of interesting posts this week. James Laube relates the country’s raging contraception debate to the cork controversy in a column titled, “Just Pull the Damned Thing Out.” Matt Kramer explains the difference between white Burgundy and red Burgundy, and, in so doing, sets a Wine Spectator record for most words used in stating the obvious, a record previously held by everyone on the editorial staff. And, finally, Tim Fish discovers the wonders of tasting room crackers.

SAMANTHA SAMS CLUBAGE: Samantha’s latest post explores just why French wines are better than any other goddam wines. It has something to do with the tingling of the little hairs on her girlie parts. As good an explanation of terroir as I’ve ever read ensues, with Samantha taking the position that “terroir is like Dave Mathews--hard to explain, but I know it when I taste it.” But she really gets going with her tribute to what Grower Champagnes do to her “bits.” “I’ve got mousse in my caboose,” she begins, “ and en tirage in my garage.” Yahoo! I love when she gets down and dirty. This girl writes like a dream, a wet one.

DINER’S JOURNAL: Eric Asimov, writing under his pseudonym Eric Asimov, talks about the Natural Wines being produced in Arbois, which he tasted while on leave for Jura duty. “Natural wines,” he states in his low-key authoritarian voice, “seem to express more about the people advocating them than anything else—that they are seriously flawed.”

SERMONTATION: Tom Wark invented wine blogging, which is why he is particularly reviled. Today’s post is about the Constitution and Tasting Fees. Tom argues persuasively that our Forefathers expressly forbade Tasting Room Fees under the Eighth Amendment which expressly says, “…nor excessive fines imposed…” Oooh, he’s got you there, tasting room scum! Tom suggests that consumers refuse to pay tasting room fees, and if they run into problems not to forget their Second Amendment right to bear arms. Tom’s blog makes one wish there wasn’t a First Amendment.

FOOD AND WINE: More on the mysteries of pairing wine and food from the magazine that is completely baffled by it. “Cabernet with Eggs” is a delightful article that argues the perfect match with what comes out of a chicken’s cloaca is full-bodied Cabernet, and offers a recipe for Egg Foo Young Red Wine. In the penetrating “Trust Your Palate,” Wine Editor Ray Isle says that the trick to matching food and wine is to have faith in your own taste. A convincing argument for canceling your subscription.

ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON THE WINE TRAIL IN ITALY: Alfonso transports us to another time and place with his blog—I think it’s Hooterville circa 1960.  Today’s post, “Pasta My Prime,” is a gorgeous lamentation about aging and some other stuff I couldn’t make heads or tails of. The words flow like a busted sewage main, and leave you thinking, Was that a brilliant post, or an eye chart?

WALL STREET JOURNAL: Jay McInerney writes for the 1%--that is, the 1% who are happy he replaced John and Dottie. His column this week focuses on his visit to Sting’s winery in Italy, where he practices Tantric sex with himself. Meanwhile, Lettie Teague has one more retraction to make about yet another mistake in her column, “I regret that I mistakenly wrote that ‘Romanee-Conti’ referenced a gypsy whore.”

1WINEDOODY: In today’s post, Doody makes the case for Portuguese white wines. Entitled, “Who You Callin’ Vin, Ho?,” in Doody’s signature Look at Me I’m Hip style, he argues that Vinho Verde belongs at your table, especially since he had to travel all the way to f***ing Portugal, on their escudo, to teach you this. It’s quite a convincing romp, and, best of all, we can look forward to his Tweets about Vinho Verde this coming weekend! Example: “This 2008 Vinho Verde makes me want to rush to the airport and have my junk touched! A+”

VORNOGRAPHY: Alder talks about the rash of counterfeit wines on the auction circuit and offers his services pro bono heado. “Line up those 50,000 bottles of old wine from that Rudy Dude’s cellar, give me 36 hours, I'll taste them all and I’ll tell you which ones are fakes. And, as a bonus, I’ll post some spectacular photos, mostly of kitties.” Hard to argue with a guy who definitely knows about fake.