HoseMaster of Wine™

OK, let me just say this. I’m very proud to announce that my Trump 2014 Blanc de Blanc was named the Greatest Sparkling Wine Ever Made by...

Wine is simple, folks. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s simple. Believe me, I know simple. I married simple. Wine isn’t hard to ...

“Three score and ten years ago, my father brought forth upon the incontinent a new President, conceived in a couple of seconds and dedica...

I’m doing a fantastic job as the new Emperor of Wine. Fantastic. The wine business has never been more honest, folks. It’s not exactly a ...

What is it with you people that you want to know what I think about wine all the time? When I became the new Emperor of Wine, and, really...

You know what, there’s too many wine competitions. Too many, folks. And you know who’s running a lot of them? Newspapers! What the hell a...

You know what’s wrong with Bordeaux? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with Bordeaux. It’s made by French people. Did you know that? Yeah, total...

I don’t get why people think wine reviewing is hard. It’s not hard. I have small hands, so what? I can put my whole hand in my mouth and st...

Some of you morons are going to ask what qualifications I have to be a wine critic. I have better qualifications than the clowns who are ...