Monday, November 7, 2016

Tips for Enjoying Natural Wines at Home

You have finally come to the realization that the only wines worth drinking are Natural Wines, but what’s the best way to enjoy those Natural Wines at home? Many people make the mistake of thinking that the only thing that matters is that the wines are Certified Biodynamic, or made from organic grapes with minimal intervention, or are Certified Sensitive®.For those of you unfamiliar with the terms, just go away. This isn’t for you. Keep drinking that crap you usually drink knowing that you’re not only doing harm to the environment, you’re an insensitive slob and should run for President of the United States.

It's a waste of money to purchase Natural Wines and not serve them properly. I've written a little manual that will teach you how to get the most from your Natural Wines. You'll have to jump on over to Tim Atkin's award-winning site, featuring this award-winning fraud, to read the rest. While you're there, pick up a dozen bangers for me. Whatever that is, it has to be good if it's called bangers. And feel free to leave one of your patented, witty, common tater remarks there, or, if you insist, leave your thoughts here, you're not using them anyway.



Aaron said...

Oh, oh my. I couldn't stop laughing all through this. Thank you for a wonderful Monday afternoon delight! No, not orange wine, I promise you, but it did taste of manure and smell like my childhood cat peed in it back when she died.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

With Election Day tomorrow, I thought I'd write something entirely foolish and filled with stupid puns and nonsense. There's enough darkness in the world right now. I actually started to write a Trump piece, but it was too depressing. Not that he'll win, he won't, more that his hypocritical, calculated, racist, misogynist, and know-nothing campaign has gotten so much attention.

And Natural Wines are just so much fun to parody. Though give me the absolute worst natural wine over Meiomi Pinot Noir or Apothic, or hundreds of other garbage wines, every day of the week.

Marcia Macomber said...

Ahhhhhhh! I'm lovin' the "Methode Shempenoise"! Loved this, full of surprises. (Hopefully our election will not be filled with too many of those!)

Charlie Olken said...

What election? Did I miss something?