Saturday, May 30, 2009

I'm BAAAAck!

I dismantled the original HoseMaster of Wine last April just as it was getting popular. I hate being popular. I was beginning to feel suffocated by the format that I'd created. It had stopped being about wine and was ultimately about the nude photos I used to accentuate the absurdity of wine blogging. I had overlooked the obvious fact that the vast majority of wine geeks and bloggers are emotionally crippled. The sight of breasts on a website devoted to wine criticism was more than most could bear. Truly, I was worn down by the adolescent responses, most of which I richly deserved. But I had painted myself into a strange creative corner and felt the only way out was to pull the plug on the damned thing. So I did.

But a couple of months later I find myself once again yearning for a voice in the wine blogosphere with something interesting to say. A voice that has an annoying way of saying it. A voice unafraid of negative opinions, a voice of satire and strangeness, a voice that sounds exactly like my own. I read wine blogs and I think, "Man, these all sound the same." All those wrongs certainly do make a trite.

So I'm back. I'm starting HoseMaster of Wine all over again. I don't know where it will lead, but I do know I'm going to avoid the use of cheesecake photos. Oh, I'm still looking at them, I'm just not picking out the cutest ones for your enjoyment. At least until Hustler starts a wine blog. (I can see it now, "Beaver Hunt and Beaujolais: Crus'in for Chicks.") I am going to resume making fun of the hypocrisy and inaccuracies and stupidity of wine blogs. I am going to say whatever is on my mind about whatever wine or winery I run across. I will not pretend to be objective or honest or transparent or any other label sanctimonious wine bloggers disingenuously pin on themselves. I will, however, try to be funny. Someone has to do it. "The Dregs Report" was like the Special Olympics for Satire.

I hope you'll join me for my little comeback. And I hope you'll participate, give me feedback, tell your friends, engage in the anarchy. There is so much crap on the Internet. I just hope mine is the most fragrant.