Saturday, May 30, 2009

I'm BAAAAck!

I dismantled the original HoseMaster of Wine last April just as it was getting popular. I hate being popular. I was beginning to feel suffocated by the format that I'd created. It had stopped being about wine and was ultimately about the nude photos I used to accentuate the absurdity of wine blogging. I had overlooked the obvious fact that the vast majority of wine geeks and bloggers are emotionally crippled. The sight of breasts on a website devoted to wine criticism was more than most could bear. Truly, I was worn down by the adolescent responses, most of which I richly deserved. But I had painted myself into a strange creative corner and felt the only way out was to pull the plug on the damned thing. So I did.

But a couple of months later I find myself once again yearning for a voice in the wine blogosphere with something interesting to say. A voice that has an annoying way of saying it. A voice unafraid of negative opinions, a voice of satire and strangeness, a voice that sounds exactly like my own. I read wine blogs and I think, "Man, these all sound the same." All those wrongs certainly do make a trite.

So I'm back. I'm starting HoseMaster of Wine all over again. I don't know where it will lead, but I do know I'm going to avoid the use of cheesecake photos. Oh, I'm still looking at them, I'm just not picking out the cutest ones for your enjoyment. At least until Hustler starts a wine blog. (I can see it now, "Beaver Hunt and Beaujolais: Crus'in for Chicks.") I am going to resume making fun of the hypocrisy and inaccuracies and stupidity of wine blogs. I am going to say whatever is on my mind about whatever wine or winery I run across. I will not pretend to be objective or honest or transparent or any other label sanctimonious wine bloggers disingenuously pin on themselves. I will, however, try to be funny. Someone has to do it. "The Dregs Report" was like the Special Olympics for Satire.

I hope you'll join me for my little comeback. And I hope you'll participate, give me feedback, tell your friends, engage in the anarchy. There is so much crap on the Internet. I just hope mine is the most fragrant.


Anonymous said...

Instead of "making fun of the hypocrisy and inaccuracies and stupidity of wine blogs," why don't you just use your unique voice and add to the conversation. Just a suggestion.

Anonymous said...

Thank you. While I didn't mind the pictures, I can say with a straight face that I read your blog the articles. Keep making fun of everyone, and the honesty is refreshing.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Doesn't anybody have a name out there?

I like to think that making fun of the wine biz and wine bloggers is contributing to the conversation. My voice goes where it wants to go, I just don't get in its way.

But let me offer a sincere thank you to both of you for participating in my little corner of the wine world.

Andrzej Daszkiewicz said...

Good to see you back, we all need to be reminded how funny we are, at least sometimes. Stupid too, after one glass too many, or too little.

Ron Washam, HMW said...


Don't tell anybody I'm back! If I get popular again, I may have to pull a Cher and retire again.

Samantha Dugan said...

(feeling like I'm putting my head in the lion's mouth) I smell you dude, and I'm in!

Charlie Olken said...

Thinking back, I don't think it was about the breasts. It was your failure to be a full service provider. Where were the pix for the women and gays among us?

And I don't mind your mating Steve Heimoff to somebody, but we don't need another Tom Wark. Better you should mate Jess Jackson to Cher and they can both retire.

You need to give Murphy-Goode some credit. Their ploy was out in the open and has already given them more visibility than the whole gig is going to cost them. Who said we had to drink their wines to enjoy the good laugh they have given us? And I can even drink some of them.

So, welcome back. This little corner of the blogosphere is the perfect antidote to all those folks who think they are going to get rich writing semi-educated wine editorials and telling us which overly hyped wine they like today. I just hope that you will like something now and then. I sure don't like drinking water.

astore said...

Ron (Hoser),
So pleased that you're back.
I've missed the zaniness and the pix.
What great fun.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Thank you, Samantha! Say Hi to Randy at Wine Country for me--he and I go back to the times before blogs, screwcaps and 100 point ratings.

Thanks, JV. Someone has to do it.

Charlie, I am a long, long, long time subscriber to your publication and hold it in great esteem. Thanks for visiting my pathetic little show. There are many wines I find that I like, and I intend to write about them, but in my own twisted voice.

As to being a full service provider, that went out the window when HoseMaster of Wine became Government owned and I was forced to make hundreds of layoffs and shut down several plants. But at least you can sleep better at night knowing that as a citizen of this great country you are part owner of HoseMaster of Wine.

Samantha Dugan said...

Will do! Cannot believe how many people know Randy, kind of humbling to be under his wing. Great guy and I will have to show him this thread...funny thing is, I was thinking when I read your post about Murphy Goode, "Randy would dig this cat" too funny that you two know each other.
Can't wait t read more from you, (is that too much like a "great post" comment?!) but I am pleased that there are going to be less boobies. I'm not fragile, just have a set of knockers of my own, so I'm kinda over it...(shrug) guess there is a fine line between "fragile" and penile impairment.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Dear Samantha,

I grew up in Long Beach--my older sister and Randy were classmates at Wilson High. I'm sure Randy will concede that I taught him everything he knows about wine...I probably should have taught him to write.

Glad to hear about your knockers. Turns out half my readers had them, not all of them women.

Abel A. said...

Great to see you back in the saddle again. We can't have enough of your brand of honesty in the blog-world.

Hang 'Em High, Cowboy!

Dustin said...

You are probably the only wine writer I can stomach. Glad to have you back!!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Thank you Abel and Dustin,

It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it.

wilma's wine world said...

I guess I've been under a rock lately as I didn't realize you had taken a hiatus. But, I'm glad you're back and hope you continue to blog from the heart, or the crotch or whatever...
Best of luck!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Hey Kim,

While you're under the rock, say Hi to Gary Vaynerchuk for me.

I used to write from the crotch, but the keyboard really chafed.

Love your blog, Gorgeous!