Wednesday, March 17, 2010


I have become overpoweringly world-weary of late, and, in particular, weary of the world of blogging. OK, you're saying, where is this going? Allow me to explain.

I started this blog to simply have some fun with wine, make folks laugh. I hope I've had some success doing that because that's all I ever really cared about. But it's pretty hard work being funny for a living (for free, actually), especially about a subject people take as seriously as they take wine, that stuff made from humble grapes. I've always said to friends that I would stop when the blog wasn't fun for me any more. Well, here we are. It isn't fun for me any more.

So I am taking a hiatus from HoseMaster of Wine. I don't know when I'll return. I don't even know if I'll return. Life just isn't that predictable.

I'm not going to waste your time here. But I do have a couple of things I'd like to say. First of all, thank you to everyone who took time out of their lives to read my crap. I sincerely appreciate it. Secondly, to anyone I genuinely offended, I humbly apologize. Comedy is ugly, people get hurt. I did try to be as harsh on myself as I was on everyone else. Finally, I won't mention anyone specifically, but I've made some amazing friends as a result of writing HoseMaster and I am forever grateful for that. You know who you are. Thank you. You have graced my life.

It's always best to leave the party too early rather than overstay your welcome. I hope to be back to the wine blogging party, but if I don't return, have fun, everyone, and, remember, it's not always about playing nice.


Steve Paulo said...

I never got the chance to be the target of your derision. :( I know I'll miss you.

Alfonso Cevola said...

First Sinatra retires, again and again

Then Celine Dion, retires again and again

Now Hosemaster retires. Again?

Let me guess, you are going into a Witness protection program?

and you always have the best Word Verification (this time gulnba)

bummer, Ron...

Bob Smith said...


When you did your survey I said that I never miss a post that you write, but I’m normally not a comment poster – you always get some great comments from Charles, Sam and others. Just to let you know that you do make people laugh out loud with your posts – even us lurkers…

I understand needing a break, I can’t imagine the time you put into doing this – I know that with all the time in the world, I couldn’t do what you do so well.

I do hope you come back and, that if the muse moves you, you’ll post something that will brighten our day from time to time. The RSS will stay tuned in –

Thanks for brightening our day and making us laugh at ourselves – we need to do that.


Arthur said...

Oh Ron

Did Steve Tanzer steal your thunder?:

"At Winophilia, we’re not armchair tasters who pretend to speak knowledgeably about regions we’ve never visited. We’re not amateur bloggers whose coverage of wine is limited to a handful of random samples we’ve just received, a trade tasting we’ve attended, or a press junket we’ve just been treated to. "

Charlie Olken said...

Yes, Arthur, you have blindly stumbled into the truth, but you obviously do not know it.

Ron is Steve Tanzer. I know because I have met Ron and he is certainly not Robert Parker. After all, the rumors that Parker is dead appeared here first.

And since Tanzer and I are the next in line by way of competition, and I know that Ron is not me, than by logical conclusion, he must be Tanzer.

All of this hard work that Ron has done these many months of amusing us has simply been so that he could shift the energy from the HMW to Tanzer, who. up to now, has seemingly had no sense of humor.

But, even if Ron does not reappear on these pages in the next couple of weeks or more, I think we should keep the effort alive. Let's start a new blog called Friends of the Hosemaster.

We could each put up one item every couple of weeks. We could get folks like Anon1, who happens to be very funny in real life and is hiding his identity for some reason which makes no sense to me. We could Alfonso who has a very wicked sense of humor (it was he who put me up to bribing Steve Heimoff), we could get Sam to write columns called Samantha Avec Dosage, I might even think about resurrecting my old stand called Thoughts While Shaving.

There is, in fact, a very real need for humor in the wine business, but humor writing is far more difficult than just dashing off a bunch of loose thoughts like these. It is a discipline. Ron has it, which is why it is so sad that it weighs so heavily on him. I wish I had it, but my little bits of humor are simply not in his league.

But, if we create Friends of The Hosemaster, perhaps we can keep this band of lunatics together while Ron rediscovers his muse or his lost pen, which ever comes first.

Today's magic word is: mastaush, which is what happens when you have comb the hair on your ass.

Samantha Dugan said...

So I thought about not posting a comment in my last ditch effort to remain cool and act as if nothing touches me but it turns out…something or someone did, it was you. I can say with 100% certainty that no one will miss you, your voice, your wit…just you, more than I. Sure you have plenty of fans that adore you and wait for each installment but I was lucky enough to have you as my partner. Our names were uttered in the same sentences, almost always together, “Samantha & Ron” or “HoseMaster & Sans Dosage” when people spoke of unique voices in this silly wine blogging world of ours…an honor, it has always been an honor to have my named linked to yours.

I guess I always knew, maybe feared is a more accurate word…this day would come. You are far too talented, too smart and too gifted to toil away at this thankless task or be linked to what amounts to a bunch of crap, by the word “Blogger”.

I support your decision to take a leave. I too will leave my RSS feed on…wait, hope and wait for one more, “I’m Baaaaccckkkk”

It has been an honor
I love you
Thank you, for everything….

Thomas said...

What, what to say?

I don't know, but no doubt about it, after three years with vinofictions, I fully understand--am in fact simpatico.

baryoble here, Alfonso.

Jimmie Schnipke said...

Dear Carmen:

I just hope this move was not prompted by Heimoff's Truman Capote imitation.

Charlie, Tom, Sam...ditto.

Ronnie...until we meet again...

Jimmie Schnipke

Katie said...

Hey, I've been reading away all this time, but not commenting. I've been blogging since 2002 and have ended up taking a few breaks over the years when I needed to. Though of course no one reads my blog. I know Jack will miss your posts! I will too.


Wines for the People said...

Oh, man, Mr. HMW! What a gaping hole your are blowing in my RSS feed! Thanks for all the laughs and good stories. Should you ever decide how the MS Conspiracy ends up, please let us know! Will miss reading the blog, and yes, I will peek back, probably several times a day, to see if you have returned.
Awfime is my word of the day, and which Capcha's exactly how I feel.

Alfonso Cevola said...

to quote another Sicilian, "You're dead to me, Fredo."

vickibarkley said...

I understand the need for a break, and wish you much recuperation. You've brought many a merry twinkle and laugh to me, Hosemaster!
Thanks for the ride....
I hope to meet you one day.
Sure, you'll be shorter than I imagined, but, hey, who isn't??

Charlie Olken said...


How did you know that the midget in the MS Conspiracy was Ron's alter ego?

winebookgirl said...

It was the book I sent for review that did it, wasn't it?

Marcia Macomber said...

Shit! Or, as Charlie Brown would say, "AAugh!"

Say it ain't so, Hose-eh!

Okay, we'll wait patiently for The Return...and for HMW,P.I. to solve the M.S. Conspiracy... (slinks off east of the Mayacamas)

wild walla walla wine woman said...

Gosh Mr. Hose. We hardly knew ye. Hope you come back. Who's going to let us poodles out to go potty?

Anonymous said...

What a shame!

Tom Wark...

Joe Roberts said...


viNomadic said...

Hosemaster Rons out, Alex Chilton heart attack-- all of a St.Paddy's tear this year of the Lawd. Coincidence? I fear not. Haven't got really drunk in a lonnng time. Sorely, sorely tempted.

Word verification: molling

(Have you been running some subliminal verbal Roscharch testing for some dark intelligence agency here? Paranoia strikes deep...)

Ron Washam, HMW said...


I'm a bit overwhelmed by the responses here. Thank you to everyone, and to everyone who privately contacted me. I'm touched.

I'm not the HoseMaster in real life. But in real life I need a break from him. As you can imagine, he's a real jerk to live with. I won't miss him at all.

Now, go on, get out of here, you kids. Nothing to see here, no lonely barking poodles. Go home, hoist a glass of great wine, and, remember, one day, many years from now, when you think of me, and you will, be kind.

K.Mahoney said...

Apparently I am a bit late to the HoseMaster's wake. My apologies. I am going to miss this daily dirty habit I have become accustomed to.

I will be waiting for you to return at Willi's, martini in hand.


Solomon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dean Tudor said...

Relax folks, it's all a joke. Ron will be back ASAP PDQ. I have it on good authority...

He wouldn't quit just after I found his blog...

No way, Hose-eh?

Nevertheless, just as a precaution, I'm going to archive his stuff, wait five years, and recycle it...under another name.

So don't do it Ron. I'll let you go on a mat leave, but you should really come back.

Or else, please...

The verification word is hordstio, which is Esperanto for "don't leave".

Eric V. Orange said... that sucks.

I'm down to two now.

So, Sans, you going to interview him NOW???

Best of luck Ron.


Anonymous said...

Or maybe you're "on a break" like Ross and Rachel? We all know that that wasn't the end of the story.

Seriously, (that wasn't serious?) -- seriously, blogging gets to be a real drag after a while. I understand. And, when you have a day job -- do you have one?

Well, either way, thanks for the lahfs. Alla prossima.

Samantha Dugan said...

Dammit Eric...been trying to avoid coming here. The page opens and each time I feel that little speed up of my heart, the way it thumps away hoping I will see a new post name or picture and....hiatus. It's like having Tiny standing on my chest each time...ouch.

If I thought for one second interviewing HoseMaster would bring him back I would do it, hell I'd do a 6 part series if I thought it would help but alas, it won't. He needs this, needs to say farewell and I have no choice but to let him go....

Now I'm going to say it too, "Go home kids. Nothing more to see here" but I will add, "When you speak of him remember the hours he spent thinking of Us and trying to make Us laugh. Can't think of any greater gift really...."

Erin M. said...


I love you!!!!!!!!!

Unknown said...

Dear Hosery,
I only just found your web notes a few months ago. I have spent the last year screaming at the top of my lungs about the vapid screed foisted upon us by the democratic republic of wine blogging. Weak and with all my facebook twitter-twating friends abandoning me, I had given up. I was ready to walk away and let freedom ring. That is until I found your postings. Finally, a real voice among cackles and screeches.
Your are the Colbert of the wine illiterati. Your tune so sharp and the tempo a dirge.
What can we do to bring you back? Pay your rent? Cook you a meal or two….
You are the therapist I shall not want.
In the end, when you think about it, what’s so hard about writing a wine blog? You have always pointed out how easy it really is. Maybe I should start blogging about things a wish I knew…like cupcakes and bbq. Dear Mr. Ron, don’t make us fill the void.

PaulG said...

Oh Might Master of Hose Prose, like Dean and Damon, I found you too late. You should really consider recycling some older gems. Takes no time. Feeds the beast. C'mon, you've only made - what - one lousy comeback? Michael Jordan had six or seven. Grow some hair, Hosemaster. Or find a little wannabe hosette, to be your intern, and post up the great old stuff we new-timers missed out on. Post one a month fer chrissake. GIVE US SOMETHING TO HOPE FOR!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh Master HoseMaster, I am a johnny-come-lately to the joy of your work. I wish you rest and peace but mostly that you'll come back to it soon.

Anonymous said...

Hosey, Sorry to see you run away from us like that. But we all know you'll be back soon.

Hey Solomon, you new? Beautiful picture on your blog :-)

The Ceci Sipper said...

Noooooooo!! Say it ain't so!! A part of me died inside!! I hope one day to be able to read your wit once more!! In any case, if it ain't fun anymore.....I hope you have a great hiatus. I also hope you always think about coming back! I'll miss you!!

Samantha Dugan said...

Just visiting....I miss you

Mr SHY said...

I'll miss your humor - your's was one of the only Blogs I read regularly - it did make me chuckle