Monday, January 6, 2014

Murdoch Buys DECANTER!...and Other Predictions for 2014

Did you miss me? Tell me that you missed me...

What better way to begin the new year than with my predictions for 2014 in the wine business? At least my predictions are interesting. I read Dr. Vino's predictions for 2014, and they were exactly the same as his predictions for 2013. The wine business, in his view, is basically "Groundhog Day." Wine critics are dead. Duh. There will be more revelations of fake wines at auctions, though fake bidders will outnumber them. And people will seek out oddball wines. Wow, you need a Ph.D. to figure those out?

My First Annual Predictions appear over at Tim Atkin's place, where I'm beginning my second year as a contributor. Tim has made the HoseMaster a household name in England. Rare that an entire country takes out a restraining order. You'll have to pogo over the Pond to read the piece. As always, feel free to comment over at Tim's place, or, if you prefer, leave a telltale skidmark on my little Internet underthing here.



Charlie Olken said...

Hill of Nancy Grace--Is that a faux blond wine?

Pinot Gris goes the way of Gruner. Oh well. Asta la vista, baby.

Welcome back.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Hey Charlie,

Happy New Year! It's nice to be back. I think. Hard to imagine another year of doing this. I'm tired already.

Everyone loves writing predictions, but they're usually so conservative, as well as obvious. I thought I'd take a crack at a few wilder predictions. I hope at least a few come true. I'm pretty sure "Supernatural" wines will catch on.

Holly said...

It IS exhausting having to once again imagine what next will not be new under the sun (but trendy!). Talking the other day to a Graduate who is Bev Manager/buyer at one of NV's schmansiest resort/restaurants and he was sniffing about what a meanie you are towards the new cool school.


I just wanted to wrap my crone's shawl about him and comfort him with the foresight that he, too, and his pop group The Self-Appointed, will, in the clink of a glass, become Irrelevant while in the same moment become, oh-so-much-more-comfortably (and, ahem, Sustainably); Real.

Ron. You da man. Happy New Year.

Steve Lay said...

When I decided to be sucker punched with another wine article I fully expected predictions with satire, double entendre's and then sprinkled with smatterings of BS in a diatribe.

Well, this article is in fact full of useful and truthful information, honest interpretations of past missed projections, and revelations to look forward to in 2014.

You did seem to go a little light on the wine critic category. I know these folks need love too even though they appear not to be so inclined. Words do seem to speak louder than actions relative to this self-aggrandizement group. Over Christmas I saw one such washed up critic with a sign that read- "Will write for wine".

I predict in 2014 we will see wine critics with new Christmas gifts of Thesaurus' that will include new words in their wine reviews like: gee whiz it is yummy, gooly I like it, aroma's of a 12 year old's gym socks after spring break, sucks, etc. Or maybe they will admit after 4,000 bottles of wine their taste and smell is burnt/toasted and they are now winging it.

The best to HoseMaster of Wine in 2014. Cheers to all....

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Hey Holly,
I think anyone who reads my crap regularly, and who would do that, would understand that I'm also pretty ruthless about old school wine biz, too. Millennials, and Jon Bonne disciples, seem to have thinner skins. And thicker skulls.

Hell, I'm so old I remember when my generation "discovered" Viognier. Wasn't that long ago. Now Viognier isn't cool enough for sommeliers. It has to be Ribolla, which will be passe in three more years, or Assyrtiko, which I had once but found that Preparation H helped. And so it goes.

Thanks, Holly. Let's make a resolution to meet in the New Year!

Ah well, I spend plenty of time making fun of establishment wine critics. I thought I'd just write about other nonsense in this piece for Tim. Not sure how useful or truthful any of it is, but it's at least as useful and truthful as anything else I've written. I try to set a low standard so that I don't disappoint anyone.

Thanks, Steve, and Happy New Year to you.

Steve Lay said...

As part of the "anyone" category I enjoy the read and am never disappointed.

Samantha Dugan said...

Now I get the 6 pack of wine glasses you sent me for Christmas..
Welcome back Love, we missed you!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

My Gorgeous Samantha,
In my case, I probably should have sent a dozen.

It's nice to be back. I guess. It already feels like I need another hiatus.

I love you!

voice of reason said...

Welcome back HMW (which is alphabetically greater than MW or MS or STD)!

Just out of curiosity- what would happen if the Koch Brothers bought Decanter and others...?

The Sommeliere said...

Miss you? I have been jonseing for you for a week!

Viognier was so 10 minutes ago and Gruner Veltliner was too. When I was a somm, even Gewurz was a very tough sell, So Vi og knee air, Grooner who? and anything that required a bit of linguistic skill past Chardonnay (and make that Rombauer!) were failures.

Maybe I shoulda pushed Orange wine? At least folks can pronounce orange...

Anonymous said...

Are you accepting new applications for additional common taters?

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Hey David,
Happy New Year, my friend. The Koch Brothers wouldn't buy Decanter, they're interested in value and profit. But if they did, I imagine the editorial direction would turn toward "Dr. Conti's Buyers:Hey, We Knew It All Along."

Marlene Darling,
Me and Mrs. Jonesing, We Got A Thing Goin' On...

Thanks for missing me. Were there orange wines back in the day? Aside from Veuve Clicquot Yellow Label, which is really orange? Back then, skin contact meant poison oak.

Paul Moe,
It's not really an application process, more of an audition. Show up now and then, say something interesting, and you're in. Plus, sleep with the director.

Unknown said...

syrah is the cleveland browns of wine. does that make riesling the chicago cubs?

Anonymous said...

Oh, the weather up north is simply frightful,
but down here in Boca it's delightful.
There's just one thing I want to be known,
I don't sleep around on the first date.