Monday, December 1, 2014

The Adventures of Brett Bung, CERTIFIED SPECIALIST OF WINE!

Born of normal parents on the outskirts of a great metropolitan city, no one would have been able to anticipate that humble Brett Bung would one day emerge as the CERTIFIED SPECIALIST OF WINE! By day a low level accountant, an invisible man in the giant accounting firm Usury, Penury and Perjury LLC, at night Brett becomes the modern-day superhero CERTIFIED SPECIALIST OF WINE! I think we all know his intro:

“Faster than a sommelier refill! More powerful than a Tim Fish review! Able to leap big egos in a single bound! Look, up at the wine bar! It’s a jerk! It’s a boor! It’s CERTIFIED SPECIALIST OF WINE!

Yeah, the intro needs some work.

Oh, this is going to be exciting! Don't you just love superheroes? But you'll have to make the leap over to Tim Atkin in order to read the rest. It's worth it. Well, it's free, so it's worth it! Feel free to leave your pithy common tater remarks at Tim's, or, if you can't figure out this danged internet thing, you may leave a comment here, though I may not unwrap it until Christmas.



Samantha Dugan said...

Nearly peed I laughed so hard at the Mercaptans bit, but had the serious giggles throughout. Fantastic! Oh, and I love you!

Rob R said...

Merchant of Vinous - the Bard would be proud. But Groucho Marx - that's fabulous!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

My Gorgeous Samantha,
Oh, those CSW's are filled with wine knowledge. Oh, Captan, My Mercaptan.

I don't know where this stupid piece came from. I was laughing at a kid I work with who passed online to become a "Certified Food Handler," and I called him that all day. That became Brett Bung, Certified Specialist of Wine. You know it's for real if it's Certified. Though maybe it should be Authentic Specialist of Wine.

Glad it nearly made you micturate. I love you, too.

Oh, I do love the stupid puns. As did Groucho and the Bard. And that's where the comparison ends.

Thanks for being a common tater.

Marcia Macomber said...

PG "a grape with less character than a Koch brother"...loved it! So many adventures you could explore with this superhero CSW! How about a sidekick? From a picking crew? - CGP¡ or ¿?

The Sommeliere said...

Stelvin all night long? I am there!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Marcia Love,
You know, a sidekick isn't a bad idea. Maybe Lo Hai Qu. She looks good in anything Spandex. Though she does have some trouble with authority, so Brett Bung would have to be the sidekick.

Not sure I'll revisit Brett Bung. I just invented him when I saw on the CSW website that to pass the test, you only need to be right on 75% of the questions. Man, that's a pretty low bar. Everybody limbo!

Marlene Darling,
Yippee! Getting unscrewed all night long. And with a timely twist top, too. Sounds great. I'm there, too!

Charlie Olken said...

I remember getting unscrewed. More often than not at a certain age when girls were girls and not women.

I was born too soon.

Blaise said...

That's one of your best kickers ever!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Yeah, you have to be really careful when they're not women.

I get to the end of a piece, meaning I've reached the number of words I usually write, and I fish around for an ending. It's completely haphazard, so when it actually works, it's amazing and satisfying. Like when they ARE women.

Thanks for chiming in!