Monday, September 7, 2015

The Wine Time Capsule from 2015

I’m not sure what motivated my ancestor to bury a wine time capsule back in 2015, but I felt that after two hundred years it was time to dig it up. In preparation, I’d been reading up on the history of wine in the 49th Edition of “The World Atlas of Wine” by Hugh Johnson. You’d think Hugh would be pushing up roses by now, but, no, he’s still cranking out sequels. Like all famous wine critics, he has an artificial heart. Well, many are not artificial, but they’re certainly all vestigial. Of course, if you think about it, being a wine critic is just a really bad nose job.

You'll have to pop over to Tim Atkin's site to read what was unearthed in 2215 from the wine time capsule. Strange artifacts from one of wine's worst eras. Though, shit, someone forgot the Coravin. Or everyone did. As ever, feel free to comment on Tim's site, or send me a threatening letter from an attorney here.



obillo said...

I admire a man who remembers the verb 'prise.' But not only was the coravin omitted, but the corksicle, too. Shame!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

I originally had a bit about Coravin, but I took it out. The piece was getting unwieldy and it was better without the Coravin section. The piece easily could have been twice as long. The corksicle wasn't on my radar. There are dozens of incredibly stupid wine gizmos I could have written about, but I'd hope an ancestor wouldn't have been ignorant enough to buy one, and then put it in a time capsule.

susan wu said...

The "time capsule revelation" is so refreshing. I'd want to get a glass of Icelandic Shiraz for watching Scandal and Tom Brady this week.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Susan Darling,
I don't watch Scandal or Tom Brady. Is there a difference?

Smooch, Love.

Dan Berger said...

I loved the statue line. This is one of your best, which is saying something.

Samantha Dugan said...

Ron My Love,
Been flat on my back with gawd awful sciatica the past week so I almost missed this. Not sure that bowl-full-of-Jello laughs are the best for back pain but they were great for my spirits. So thank you!
I love you!

Charlie Olken said...

Corkscrews and Gruner dead. Hugh Johnson alive. Who could argue with that?

Ron Washam, HMW said...

It's saying something alright, just not sure what. But thanks, Dan!

My Gorgeous Samantha,
I'm likin' the flat on your back part, which is the position most women are in when they're laughing at me. Get better, Love. I had a weak back, but it was about a week back.

And no sommeliers either! Paradise! Now if only Lo Hai Qu were still alive.

Martin said...

"some famously overblown wine glasses that had broken".
Snigger. You better be careful, you never know who reads this stuff! Tim Atkin laughed when he told me about that line on Monday when I saw him. He thinks this is one of your best. I told him I keep writing fan mail.
Ha, loved the MW bit about taking a vow of poverty (think Jancis broke that vow!) and being probed and indoctrinated. It's so effective I can't remember it happening.
Martin Moran MW

Ron Washam, HMW said...

I was struggling with coming up with a piece for Tim, just as I was when the infamous Riedel piece showed up, but the God of Comedy Premises blessed me at the last minute with the idea of a time capsule for wine. Nice to hear that Tim liked it so much--it's odd that Tim and I have never met. And kind of him to publish my work on his prestigious site.

I wonder, will there be MW's in 200 years? It seems to me you might be the phrenologists of the 21st Century. Anyhow, that sort of thinking is what led to the piece.

Thanks, Martin, for the fan mail. I'm honored.

Martin said...

Oh dear Ron, you belittle we MWs and I thought I, like most MWs I know, are just people fascinated by this magical liquid wanting to know more about it and talk to like minded folk about it. What's the expression you used yesterday in Ephemera? 'eager people chasing their passion for wine.' Yeah, that nails it, how I feel. I hope people like that are still around in 200 years and wanting to share their experiences and not as irrelevant as phrenologists.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

I tend to belittle just about everyone. I'm far tougher on MS types, and Riedel, and Karen MacNeil and Parker and Wine Spectator and, well, you get the idea.

It is an interesting thought about whether or not there will be MW's in 200 years, don't you think? Will there even be humans? If there are humans, there will be wine. But will there still be MWs? Oh, I hope so.

Martin said...

Ha, I get the idea Ron. You are indeed far tougher on others. I guess we should be glad we form part of the picture of the wine world you paint with such insight and wit.