Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Aging Wine Critics--I Wouldn't

It’s a question from wine novices that comes up repeatedly. Just how do we know how long to age our wine critics? Furthermore, how can we tell which wine critics will age well, and which will fall apart? Are there any guidelines? I believe there are, and the best way to understand them is to look at wine critics of various ages we have now for clues as to how wine critics age.  However, there is no exact measure, and certainly no guarantee. Many promising wine critics will mysteriously become dull and lifeless with age, though, in most cases, they were duller than Spätburgunder to begin with, and you were simply fooled by their slick packaging.

To better understand aging wine critics, you'll have to follow the monthly HoseMaster link to Tim Atkin's site. Tell him I said hello. Nice guy. Funny accent, but friendly. And while you're there, leave something witty behind. A choice comment, or something you stole from an internet site. Or, if you must, leave a choice little gift for me, all wrapped in a brown paper bag and set on fire.



Unknown said...

To determine the viability of vintage wine critics I use The CoraPrick (Trademark pending).

This devices utilizes a large-bore needle which is used to prick an appendage of the wine critic.
If the wine critic yelps, there is still life in him/her.
However, if the wine critic is on Yelp, then they are not a critic at all but just another slacker trying to leverage a "review" into more free grub.

Mark Rader said...

I read recently about a class-action lawsuit brought in behalf of wine critics---all seven of them---alleging that being a wine critic has led to premature dementia. Not from drinking wine, you understand, but from WRITING about wine. When I saw the article I thought, "This is ludicrous." That, turn, caused me to think about some entertainer who calls himself Luda Criss or some such, then I thought, what if he's a wine critic, too? I mean, what does he know about wines? For that matter, what does Ron know about wines?

In the end, all this thinking made me tired, so I went outside and played with the dog.

Oh, wait. I don't have a dog.

Bob Henry said...


Seems to me the next installment is "Aging Wine Makers" who are past their expiration date.

Just sayin'

~~ Bob

Charlie Olken said...

I know that old golfers never die; they just lose their balls.

So, now I am wondering what old wine critics lose?

Samantha Dugan said...

Stiffness of buds? Not to worry, I'm sure the dude that invented to Coravin is working on a cure....might involve a little prick but what are ya gonna do?

Charlie Olken said...

When it comes to some critics, it is likely that some of them are already little pricks. By the way, Sam, what about aging women wine writers? Some of them act like that, although it may be just Pinot envy.

Samantha Dugan said...

While I don't personally know any, I'd assume that female wine writers barely notice a little prick anymore.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

I once wrote a piece where Laube was trepanned with a Coravin. So, yeah, your idea works for me. Though the replacement gases wouldn't be necessary for most of the old gasbags.

I used to own a class action suit, but the inseam wasn't right and it made me speak in Falsetto, who was a character in Shakespeare's Henry IV. So I get what you're saying.

Old wine writers never die, they just smell reduced.

My Gorgeous Samantha,
Women wine writers hate me even more than men wine writers. And I have a little prick. So I think you're wrong about that.

Unknown said...

"I used to own a class action suit, but the inseam wasn't right and it made me speak in Falsetto, who was a character in Shakespeare's Henry IV."

Well Ron, you are known for being a little crotchety.

(Emphasis on "little.")

And when sporting your gray beard, more like my mini-me doppelgänger.

Just sign me,

"Chimes at Midnight"

(A guy known for wearing fat suits.)

Unknown said...

A little "tight" in the inseam, eh?

More likely with your wallet, when (not) reaching to pick up a dinner check.



Samantha Dugan said...

Ron My Love,
One of the only things I've consistently done right in my life is to be wrong, to some folks.
I love you!

Bob Henry said...

Seems STEVE! is already writing your next installment: "Aging Wine Makers."