Monday, March 7, 2016

A Visit to the World's Greatest Wine Library

Here it is 2095, and I’m only now visiting the World’s Greatest Wine Library. Its vastness is daunting, its resources unparalleled. On that shelf, the first wine book ever published. Printed by Gutenberg, it’s the first edition of the “Wine Bible.” Inscribed by the author Karen MacNeil, who lived to be nearly 600 years old. Her papers reside in another corner of the World’s Greatest Wine Library, stacked up for use as scratch paper. This cathedral of wine history is littered with brilliance. Jay McInerney’s work is here, too.

For those of you keeping score, this piece marks my 500th post on HoseMaster of Wine™, a lesson in futility if there ever was one. It's probably appropriate that it's published in full on Tim Atkin's great site. If it weren't for Tim asking me to write a monthly column for him more than three years ago, I undoubtedly would have retired. I soldiered on, making enemies and insulting wine people tirelessly until now I'm an icon of wine bloggers. At least in my own mind. Thanks to all of you who have been a part of this craziness for many, or all, of those 500 posts. Keep the hate mail coming!

For the rest of this post, a visit from the future to the World's Greatest Wine Library, proceed to Tim Atkin MW. Leave any relevant comments over at Tim's--he does love a lively conversation over there. Leave any meaningless congratulatory 500th piece comments here. And, no, there will not be another 500.



Marcia Macomber said...

You had me at "...fucking Merlot!"

Congratulations on 500 fantabulous tomes of winedom. Can we have 500 more? :-)

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Marcia Love,
I'm not sure congratulations are in order. Condolences might be more appropriate. But thank you. You've been here for all of them, Love, and I deeply appreciate it. You're one of my alltime favorite common taters.

I love you!

Aaron said...

"I pick up a dusty old book and find I am holding a copy of Robert Parker’s very last wine book, The First 50 Points. It’s the very book in which the most powerful wine critic of the late 20th century talks about the mysterious disappearance of the first 50 points of his 100 point scale. “I ate them,” he writes, “and when they passed, Wine Spectator was born.”"

ROFLMA, this is too true. They get 50 points just for showing up and having alcohol.

Mark Rader said...

Five hundred!!?? The mind boggles... And here I've been telling everyone I know at least for a decade that you'd never escape hanging! Well, all I can say is, you've been lucky. I stand by my prediction. Any day now 😜.

Unknown said...

500 posts! That's a heck of a lot of work to put into our free entertainment. Thanks for all the great posts, Ron. I'll keep the hate-mail coming.

Samantha Dugan said...

Ron My Love,

Long time reader, first time tater.

What I want to know, how many of the wine books you blind reviewed were there?! Nice little cherry in at the top of the 500 post sundae Love. I can still remember the first post I read of yours, the Murphy Goode one, I was literally cackling at my dining room table and said aloud, "Who the fuck IS this guy?!" fast forward how many years later and I have my answer, one of the greatest loves of my life. Laughter is one of the most wonderful gifts one can give so consider this tater humbly in you debt.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Your prediction is probably right, but it will probably be by my own hand. An ugly accident involving erotic asphyxiation. I've always been something of a choke artist.

If someone had told me when I started that I'd write 500 pieces, I would have told them to fuck off. And my posts were all actual posts, not "whimsical" eight sentence toss-aways that so many bloggers use to pad their stats. So, yeah, I'm a idiot.

But thanks for the kind words. And, so you know, I did get some hate mail this morning from a subscriber! And Madeline Puckette showed up to be a common tater! So I've sunk to new lows! Feels good.

My Gorgeous Samantha,
So much energy is spent talking about how to monetize a blog, but how can one put a monetary figure on how much it has meant to me to have met you because of this stupid blog? When this nonsense finally ends, I'll still have You. That makes every bit of the effort worth it a million-fold.

Laughter, My Love, is a gift to the joke maker, not to the ones who laugh. It is I who have been blessed by my audience, not the other way around. I've received so much, you above all else, and given so very little. It's been humbling and remarkable, and a gift I shall carry with me until my last erotically asphyxiated breath.

I owe thanks to everyone who reads and laughs at HoseMaster of Wine™.

Larry Anosmia, M.S. said...


Congrats on 500 postings.

You truly have put the "H" in wine critic.

~~ Larry

Unknown said...

Is Rudy on parole? ...betcha his ankle bracelet is made of counterfeit 1961 Bordeaux corks. Always wondered about Minerality, now we know, thanks Hosemaster. The Lord High Steward.