Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Alice's Adventures in Naturaland

Chapter One: Down the Rabbit Hole

Alice was getting very tired of sitting by herself on the bank. Though she was usually by herself, unless she was at a wine tasting. But Alice didn’t like wine tastings, especially blind wine tastings. It was just so easy to be fooled, and Alice didn’t like being fooled. Unless she didn’t know she was being fooled, and then she quite enjoyed it. “If they tell me the wine is natural,” Alice thought, “then I quite believe them. When I taste one blind and say it’s natural, and it’s not, then I look stupid. Better to err on the side of ignorance,” Alice thought, “than to have an air of ignorance.” She was quite clever that way.

Oh, I don't know, I was reading the classic Lewis Carroll work, and just felt an irresistible urge to have some fun with "Alice in Wonderland." Seemed appropriate to have it appear in the UK, on Tim Atkin's site. It was fun to write (which isn't the case usually) because it was fun to dissect Carroll's work, enjoy his relentless punning and cunning and then try to imitate it. I'd forgotten what a brilliant work of literature "Alice" is.

For the rest of Chapter One, you'll have to head over to Tim Atkin's place. Do feel free to leave comments there, or, if you'd prefer, leave them here with a small tag that says, "Eat me." Wouldn't be the first time someone told me that.



Mark Rader said...

Alice "didn't like being fooled. Unless she didn't know she was being fooled, and then she quite enjoyed it." A classic Washam-ism, or is it a Washam-up-ism? No matter. Always fun to read the Hosemaster of Wines. Much like wine itself, one never knows what's coming...

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Thanks, my friend. In fact, even I never know what's coming. And there's the joy of writing, especially writing comedy. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what I'm going to think of, and then suddenly there's a funny thought. It's part of the mystery of being alive. And it's that exploration of that strange person in my head that keeps me writing. I'll get that fucker out of there if it kills me.

Marcia Macomber said...

Uh, oh! Down the bung hole! Poor Alice. I could go on and on and on and on.... (said Elton John's pussy) ;-P

Charlie Olken said...

Okay, so I can't read. Somehow I managed to look in on Tim Atkin's website and not notice that the natural wine "appreciation" (to use the British term for an critical analysis) was written by the Hosemaster.

Brilliant job, old Tim, I am thinking. I did not know you had it in you. Obviously,
Ron has had a good effect on your writing.

Ouch. My bad. Still a brilliant read, of course, now that I know the truth. It is sort of like discovering a great wine when you expect vin ordinaire.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Marcia and Charlie,
One nice benefit of writing for Tim, aside from money, is that I get a week off from having lots of comments to respond to. Though comments, despite your loyal efforts, are never as prolific as they were in the good ol' days. There were good ol' days, right?

I just decided to write a piece that used "Alice in Wonderland." I was reading it, and admiring Dodgson's wit and twisted logic, and I wanted to try my hand at parody. Frankly, I really didn't want to write another piece about natural wine. But when the title character is Alice, and the writing involves the use of silliness and illogical logic, what other subject matter fits so perfectly? So I took a whack at it. Tim is simply kind enough to allow me to do what I want and not edit my crap at all.

Writing my blog has always been self-indulgent. That anyone reads my stuff astounds me even to this day. Does the wine biz need more satire? I think so. But not mainstream, toothless satire. That's simply establishment prose dressed up as a clown. I wish there were more folks doing what I do, and more talented folks than I doing it. I could use a breather.

Charlie Olken said...

If more people could do what you do, they would.

Thank of the names they could come up with:
--The MasterWanker of Wine (MWW)
--The Son of A Barrel of Wine (SOB)
--The BarrelMaster of Wine (BMW)
--Alice Feiring (HUH)

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Puff Daddy,

Way to prove your point!

Aaron said...

Oh, those Hare puns and jokes were hilarious! Hare suit, hirsute, nicely done!

Unknown said...

The wordplay in this piece is excellent. Really well written