Friday, December 8, 2017

The HoseMaster of Wine's™ Letter to Santa 2017

Dear Santa,

This Christmas, I don’t want anything for myself. I have everything I need, Santa. A cellar filled with the great wines of the world, and Oregon wines, too. A Roederer International Wine Writers Award that I bought online from an “A. Jefford.” I’ve even grown and implanted my own replacement Biodynamic liver using the latest stem cell technology, mixed with the manure of a lactating cow. I feel born again, and, as a bonus, my new set of horns is great for opening beer bottles! I’m very content. Soon I’ll have my own cheese! I really enjoy the milking. No, not like Harvey Weinstein.

I still believe in Santa, like I still believe in aerators, Riedel Oregon Pinot Noir glasses, and en primeur Bordeaux. We live in an age where belief Trumps truth every day of the week. So I sat down and composed my annual letter to Santa on behalf of the wine business I love. Who else is going to do it if not I? To read the rest of this missal, toe the line and hop over to Tim Atkin's site. And feel free to leave your own wish list for Santa. I'll be sure that he reads each and every suggestion. 

Merry Christmas, Common Taters!



Paul Moe said...

I can now buy my Cora-Vin at Best Buy! Merry Christmas, Hose.

Mike Dunne said...

Thanks for the present! "Stalking stuffers," just one of the many splendid ornaments you hung.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Merry Christmas to you! I don't own a Coravin. I don't own any wine gadgets. I open 'em, and I drink 'em, and if I don't finish 'em, I drink 'em the next day. Call me a rebel.

Merry Christmas, Mike! The HoseMaster's Letter to Santa is an old tradition around here. Plus, it means I don't have to think of a new premise. That's a gift! And, as you must know, there are way too many stalking stuffers in the wine business. And every business. Some guys can't keep their Coravins in their pants.

Marcia Macomber said...

Ho! Ho! Ho! Hose! Up on the rooftop, Santa's wishing for a lot of new stuff. Fave line: "The whole wine world has gone to Hell, Santa, and you just sit there in your big red suit like some kind of low-rent Jean-Charles Boisset, exploiting those poor little elves like they’re Guest Workers from Mexico and you have fifty acres of Riesling to harvest before you call the immigration authorities."

Much appreciate the wish list to weed out some "old white men" in the biz. Actually, it's less weed 'em out as it is just let women do their jobs. But I digress... Merry Christmas!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Marcia Love,
Lovely to see you here! One of the senior common taters. Happy Holidays! Thanks for chiming in.

I like the ICEwine joke, but no one else did... 'Twas ever thus.