Monday, June 1, 2009

Are You Ready to Be a Goode Stooge?

At least half a dozen people forwarded me the job description for Murphy-Goode's social media stooge, the job that pays $10,000 a month for six months. Right, Murphy-Goode's Social Media Shemp People are ga-ga over this job. Me, I have just one question:

How bad must the Murphy-Goode wines be for them to have to pay someone ten grand a month to say nice things about them?

Maybe after the Murphy-Goode gig is finished the lucky media whiz can parlay the job into a fulltime gig in Temecula, where they'd have to pay you twenty-five grand a month just to live in that hellhole. (Though there is talk that President Obama is thinking of closing down Temecula wine country as part of
his No Torture campaign. Apparently, US troops at Gitmo were seen waterboarding suspected terrorists with Temecula sparkling wine.)

It's bad enough that Jess Jackson has made purchasing champion race horses his new hobby. From Curlin to Rachel Alexandra, he's horse racing's new Sultan of Dubai. He dubai dis horse, he dubai dat horse. Now he wants to buy bloggers. And, man, the bloggers, those Titans of Objectivity and Ethics, can't wait to bend over and show him their bar codes. Buy me! Buy me! I'll Twitter until my twit is one tired twat. I'll drink Murphy-Goode wine all day and post on ShitFacedbook all night:

Dirtysouthwine is sucking down Murphy-Goode Malbec and thinking about Wilt Chamberlain--the only other 100 point scorer I can think of.

I'm in the vineyards with Dave Ready, Jr and am in total awe of how much he knows about suckering. And not just people...

I'm finishing a long day with a big glass of Murphy-Goode sauvignon blanc. This must be what Beyonce's urine tastes like! Slightly chilled, of course.

From what I understand, Mr. Jackson is planning on buying several bloggers and breeding them in hopes of developing a superblogger. He would be the first winery owner to have his own stable of bloggers, if you don't count Tom Klein of Rodney Strong Vineyards. If I were Mr. Jackson (God forbid) I think I would purchase Tom Wark and breed him with either Alice Feiring or, even better, Steve Heimoff. Then you'd have something! You'd have a Wark-off home run!

What's really hard to imagine is folks thinking that Kendall-Jackson would allow Murphy-Goode to hire a clown like me. I'm their worst nightmare. It's hard for me to lie about wine. (Sure, I'll lie about the house...) Although I could probably do it to Millenials for ten grand a month. Not much different than being a Fox News anchor. Maybe I will apply.


max said...

Good to see the return of the Hosemaster. I live and grew up in Temecula, and I will admit that the wine is universally pretty bad, but its really not such a bad place to live. Since I'm already here I'd accept a mere 15k to blog.

Arthur said...

Scholars have said that Judas Iscariot turned Jesus of Nazareth over to the Sanhedrin not because he was betraying him but because he wanted to help his Rabbi defend and legitimize himself.

We all know how well that worked....

What's 30 pieces of silver in today's money and what can you get for it, anyway (after taxes, of course)?

Also, ditto on the Temecula thing....

Anonymous said...

Go for it Ron! We missed your pungent and clever comments. Welcome back.

Ashley Lauren said...

Don't you dare take anymore time off. Welcome back!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Ah, Ashley, I came back just for YOU.

dirty said...


He's not trying to buy bloggers, he's trying to hire a Social Media person. Big difference.

It is important for me to try and keep things separate- I created a new site, new handles and all that jazz while applying for the gig. (

Welcome back.

Unknown said...

Well I'm just glad I found your blog...Love your sense of humor.

Ashley Lauren said...

You'll forgive me if I don't entirely believe that won't you?

Ron Washam, HMW said...


Actually, Jess is trying to buy publicity. Why else would he lay off twenty percent of his work force, mostly those lowest on the food chain, and then spend $100,000 on a "Social Media" Shemp?
Good luck with application, but, as always in life, be careful what you wish for.


Thank you. Just having some fun. I'll check out your blog one day soon.

Ashley, Love,

I shall always forgive you, Gorgeous. Just as long as you continue to see me.

Ashley Lauren said...


Ron Washam, HMW said...


Ain't I just?