"Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine."--Fran Lebowitz
Thursday, January 21, 2010
What's the HoseMaster Drinking?
KENNETH-CRAWFORD 2004 SYRAH LAFOND VINEYARD SANTA RITA HILLS
I haven't the vaguest idea how this bottle got into my wine cellar. I broke an opener a few days ago and left it for the Screw Fairy, maybe this was my reward. If you don't have a Screw Fairy I suggest you get one. I did a search and it turns out they're easy to find on Craigslist. Actually, I do remember at one time I was on the Kenneth-Crawford mailing list, back in the day when I was on mailing lists like Amy Winehouse is on mind-altering substances, that is, way too many, none of which seem to have conferred any talent. What's odd is that I normally avoid hyphenated wine--though I do like Dashe. But here was this bottle of 2004 Syrah from the hyphenated boys at Kenneth-Crawford made from grapes grown at LaFond Vineyard in the Santa Rita Hills which had magically appeared in my cellar. I recalled that 2004 was a vintage notable for a nasty heat spike at harvest and I was a bit concerned that the wine would be a victim of that, taste raisiny and unbalanced, like Pat Robertson. But, hallelujah, it bore not a trace of the sulfurous stench of the evangelist. In fact, it was heavenly. I fancy myself something of a Syrah fetishist, and this Kenneth-Crawford definitely had me on a leash. I surrendered to its blackberry and blueberry domination, crawled on my belly for its fine tannins, and let its acidity arouse me. And then I drank it. I had no memory of this wine, but, somehow, I was smart enough to have bought some and cellared it. It still has years ahead of it. I suspect I paid about $30 for it, and that turns out to have been a huge bargain. I loved it so much I went immediately to their website. These hyphenated boys know their way around Syrah.
The HoseMaster Score: 889,065 Points
Disclaimer: For all I know this wine was a plant. For all you know, I'm a plant. Like Alder Yarrow.
7 comments:
Anonymous
said...
HMW,
Sta? In your cellar? Not only STA, but hyphenated STA. My favorite hyphenated STA is Brewer-Clifton.
As usual, this post had me LOLing and ROTFLing and BFOMDFE.
I never said I didn't like Syrah from the Sta. Rita Hills (in 2004 it was Santa Rita Hills--who let those damn Chileans push us around? Where was Fess Parker Crockett when we needed him?), I'm just of the opinion the Pinot Noirs from there are wildly overrated.
After 19 years as a Sommelier in Los Angeles, twice named Sommelier of the Year by the Southern California Restaurant Writers' Association, I moved to Sonoma County to explore the other aspects of the wine business. I've spent, OK wasted, 35 years learning about and teaching about and swallowing wine. I am also a judge at the Sonoma Harvest Fair, San Francisco Chronicle Wine Competition and the San Francisco International Wine Competition--so I can spit like a rabid llama. I know more about wine than David Sedaris and I'm funnier than James Laube. Stay tuned for an informed but jaded view of everything wine and everything else.
What the Critics Are Saying About HoseMaster of Wine
"The HoseMaster is the funniest satirist writing about wine in the world today."
--Karen MacNeil
"But you're really good at what you do. You're not clumsy. You're as sharp and 'meta' as the Onion, as foul as the old National Lampoon at its well-remembered best, you make literary references that a smart guy makes. You're a nice slasher who always remembers to take out his recycling and waters his neighbor's plants--though they'd rather you didn't to it while they're having sex--and if you disembowel the occasional cat, well that cat was an asshole and everyone knew it."
--Terry Theise
"If you want a great hoot and howl moment or two...go read the HoseMaster's year-end reflections...that guy is without a doubt the funniest SOB in the blog-world...and thank him for having the brains and balls to target his laser of laughter on anybody...HoseMaster for President...HoseMaster for Blogger of the Year...although he would be the first to say the bar is so damn low for that award, he should win it every year..." --Robert Parker
"...With sometimes crude analogies and occasional droppings of f-bombs, Washam cleverly uses satire to expose the underbelly of the wine business. It's often hilarious stuff as long as you're not the one being lampooned. Washam takes no prisoners in skewering all that is silly, stupid, frustrating and pretentious about wine, and his favorite targets are other bloggers and writers. No one is immune."
--Linda Murphy in "Vineyard and Winery Management"
"No one is immune from California sommelier and wine judge Ron Washam's skewering. He polishes that skewer with boundless enthusiasm and acuity." --JancisRobinson.com
"How do you introduce Ron Washam, the Hosemaster of Wine? Two things:
First: I’m not sure if there is anyone better at cutting through the confidence trick that is often intrinsic to the business of wine.
Second: in a world where offending people appears to border on the illegal, the Hosemaster piles in. No one is safe."
--Joss Fowler "Vinolent.com"
"As serious as the world of wine is, it does allow time for humor. Each Monday and Thursday, Ron Washam customarily posts a commentary on his needling wine blog HoseMaster of Wine. Washam, a former sommelier and comedy writer – he might say they are closely related – is the most opinionated, humorous and ribald observer in the wine world. His body of work is irreverent and remorseless. It’s almost always satire and parody, though he occasionally drifts into straight commentary, sometimes even with tasting notes. This past year, one of his posts was named the best of the year in the Wine Blog Awards. His success has spawned several imitations, which in their awkwardness show just how difficult satire is."
--Mike Dunne, Sacramento Bee
Read more here: http://www.sacbee.com/2014/01/21/6089630/dunne-on-wine-wine-blogs-and-bloggers.html#storylink=cpy
"Please let this guy write the scripts for Saturday Night Live which has gotten so lame...his newest "wisdom" is worth an Emmy....I wonder if he is the genius behind all those Hitler/Parker,etc. clips? No one else is remotely as funny or as talented.And the wine world sure needs someone to poke fun at all the nonsense and phoney/baloney unsufferable crap out there."
--Robert Parker
"Washam uses his own blog, HoseMaster of Wine, to skewer the industry in general and wine blogs in particular. If your mouse scoots to your browser's close box while reading a wine blog, Washam may be the blogger for you."
--San Francisco Chronicle
"Ron Washam, former sommelier, is easily the most bitingly funny blogger/wine writer that we have ever come across. He is an equal opportunity crusader who pillories big wineries and amateur bloggers alike, as well as everything and everyone in between...One needs a sense of humor and a tolerance for earthiness to enjoy reading The Hosemaster. We must have both because this guy deserves a wider audience, in our humble opinion." --Connoisseurs' Guide to California Wine
"In my opinion, and that of many others, his blog is one of the best. And in terms of satirical or parodic wine blogs, it has no peer. Ron’s alert eye catches every pretense and skewers it with laugh out loud mercilessness."
--Steve Heimoff
"This site should carry a warning label. It's sort of a Dave Barry/George Carlin approach to wine. The Hosemaster (real name Ron Washam) skewers fellow bloggers and industry savants with glee, while offering hilarious wine guides such as his Honest Guide to Grapes..."
--Paul Gregutt, Seattle Times
"Washam is a skilled wine judge (I have judged with him) who is willing to judge wine double blind, in public. To my knowledge, Parker does not do this and never has. So Ron's credentials are in place, and so is his sense of the absurd."
--Dan Berger, VintageExperiences
"...I consider Ron a very talented writer and I’ve long been an admirer of his scathing wit..."
--1WineDude
"And if any free sites think they can conquer the world, there’s always the Hosemaster to take ‘em down a notch."
--Tyler Colman "Dr. Vino"
"Those of you who know Ron either love or hate him, because he throws jabs like a punch drunk boxer, and we’re all in the firing line. He’ll throw them if he hates you, and he’ll throw them if he loves you. He’s a satirist of exceptional quality."
--Jo Diaz "Juicy Tales by Jo Diaz"
"I must say you are an idiot. I've never liked you. I have no idea why people find you funny."
--Reign of Terroir
"Robert (Joseph) was/is funny unlike HoseMaster who wasn't/isn't."
--Will Lyons (WSJ) on Twitter
"Hey Ron, let me ask you: is it true that you pick on girls and old critics because you don't think that they'll come back at you? Because if so, you lose: I'm on your ass now, asshole."
7 comments:
HMW,
Sta? In your cellar? Not only STA, but hyphenated STA. My favorite hyphenated STA is Brewer-Clifton.
As usual, this post had me LOLing and ROTFLing and BFOMDFE.
<3 Erin
"I crawled on my belly for its fine tannins, and let its acidity arouse me"....damn. Next time, may I watch?
Erin Love,
OK, I'm old, so WTF is BFOMDFE?
I never said I didn't like Syrah from the Sta. Rita Hills (in 2004 it was Santa Rita Hills--who let those damn Chileans push us around? Where was Fess Parker Crockett when we needed him?), I'm just of the opinion the Pinot Noirs from there are wildly overrated.
My Gorgeous Samantha,
Only if it's OK with Arthur.
I adore you!
Ahhh, I gotta ask Arthur huh? Well since I never like asking permission I'll just take a pass.
My Gorgeous Samantha,
No, I'M the one who likes asking permission. Go ahead, take a pass, so long as it's at me.
I just did and look how I was treated...humpf!
You know what, I forgot what BFOMDFE was. Crap.
Post a Comment