Monday, May 6, 2013

Better Off Dead--New Wine Books

I decided it was time to review the latest cascade of new wine books, so I have done so over at Tim Atkin's wonderful blog. Once a month, Tim allows me to bring the conversation down to a HoseMaster level, and insult our wine friends in the UK. I like to think of it as satire. Tim has a stable of talented wine writers publishing on his blog. I'm just the guy who cleans up the stable. Shoveling crap--it's what I do!

Everyone seems a bit reluctant to comment on Tim's blog, but I actually think it would be fun to take the whole HoseMaster peanut gallery on the road and show those blokes the superiority of good old American foolishness. However, feel free to comment here if that's your preference. Or just lurk like you always fucking do.

Tim Atkin's Blog


Charlie Olken said...

Screw it. I tried to comment there. Useless.

"In the corrections dept, American Wine was written by Linda WhoUseToBeSomebody, not Karen Youknowhwoimean. And you forgot to review The Emporer Has No Nose, by Jancis and the late Robert Parker.

But, let's not quibble because Jancis did get Joseph Smith to contribute to the latest Wine Bible and he is deader than Robt Parker."

The Sommeliere said...

Ron darling,
Jancis sure gets around a lot.
Wine in church, wine in church during sex, sex in church during wine...? I can't keep up with her but she sure is all over the place.

BTW, I think YOU should write a book about wine and tacos--with Paula Deen, of course. Think of all the blubbery fun you'd have.

Now, a moment of serious lucidity? I think you should write a book--it is way past time. I will help edit and go out and "flog your wares" to the unsuspecting public.
XOXO, The Sommeliere

Bob Henry said...


Looking forward to your next installment on . . .

~~ Bob

From The Wall Street Journal "Main News" Section
(May 1, 2013, Page A1ff):

“These Products Are No Joke, But the Online Reviews Are;
Whether on Books About Random Digits Or Toilet Seats, Everybody's a Comedian."


By Michael M. Phillips
Staff Reporter

What is it about the book "A Million Random Digits With 100,000 Normal Deviates" that brings out the wiseguy in people?

Rand Corp.'s 600-page paperback, which delivers exactly what it promises, sells for $64.60 on Yet 400 people have submitted online Amazon reviews, most of them mocking the 60-year-old reference book for mathematicians, pollsters and lottery administrators.

"Almost perfect," said one reviewer. "But with so many terrific random digits, it's a shame they didn't sort them, to make it easier to find the one you're looking for."

Five stars from this commenter: "[T]he first thing I thought to myself after reading chapter one was, 'Look out, Harry Potter!' "

Several reviewers complained that while most of the numbers in the book appeared satisfactorily random, the pages themselves were in numerical order.

Amazon's online superstore has become the unlikely stage for 21st-century amateur comedy, where thousands of customers have submitted reviews for products ranging from the self-explanatory explanatory book "How to Avoid Huge Ships" to the Hutzler 571 banana slicer, a yellow plastic banana-shaped device that cuts bananas into even slices.

. . .

Ron Washam, HMW said...

You're right about the co-author of American Wine, it is Linda Namesoundslikeabed, not Karen NoideawhereIgotthatnamefrom. You just can't believe crap you read on wine blogs.

Joseph Smith, on the other hand, is obviously a fake name.

Marlene Love,
No books in me, I had the x-ray done. But I'm completely flattered, and also flogworthy.

Unknown said...

on a slightly non-sequitor, my friend is reading the alice ferring book, and told me she compares herself to a midwife at the birth of a wine, because she spent a day hand-harvesting grapes.
i asked my wife, who is a midwife, what she thought about that. she says that she sometimes lets the father catch the baby, but that don't make him a midwife

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Very nice. Though if you ask my wife, I'm a mid-husband.

PaulG said...

I'm just now working my way through "Washington Wines & Wineries - Who Cares"? by Jancis Robinson and Paul Grayrot. Impenetrable but not bad with a bottle of Cayuse.