Tuesday, April 9, 2019
Worst Wine Marketing Slogans
Wine as natural as asphalt.
Your wine tasting experience isn’t complete until you visit wine country’s only vomitorium!
Our wines are as sustainable as an erection at a slaugherhouse.
Our wines are made in a natural and environmentally-conscious way as a promise to our customer that only the alcohol will kill you.
If it makes you feel any better, our ABV is completely fabricated.
Your tasting fee back if we check your ID.
If it weren’t for the herbicides, we’d be organic.
Voted “One of Ten New Wineries to Watch” by the Department of Health.
We’re marginally better than wines half our price.
Wine Spectator said of our Cabernet, “Now I know what my dog tastes when he licks his balls.”
Wine for people who still giggle when they hear, “bungholes.”
We always note the date our bubbles were disgorged, just like Michael Jackson did.
It was a trip to Napa Valley in 2003 that convinced us to pursue our dream and buy a vineyard in Lodi.
All of our wines are fermented by native yeasts. An Arapaho sits in our Pinot Noir.
We’re not happy with our wine unless you’re not happy with our wine.
Our favorite red blend was recently awarded, “Most Likely to Be Seen at Traffic Accidents”
The grapes come from a vineyard right next to a famous Superfund site!
Ask yourself, if our wines weren’t natural would we be able to say they were? Of course we would!