Monday, April 1, 2019

The HoseMaster of Wine™ Solves the Enduring Mysteries of Wine

I wasn't able to solve ALL of the enduring mysteries of wine. Many simply remain mysteries. Like why anyone reads wine blogs. Or why Esther Mobley has suddenly become Erica Asimov. Or whether biodynamics works for personal hygiene. Or who told me I was funny. I may have to write a sequel. But for now, you can head over to Tim Atkin's site to discover once and for all the answers to many of wine's mysteries.

As always, feel free to add your answers to any and all mysteries at Tim's place, or gently break the truth to us here on HoseMaster of Wine™. Wine isn't so much a mystery as it is noir--Grenache noir.

Wine is more mysterious than the success of Andrew Lloyd Webber, the Yellow Tail of musical theater composers. It’s more mysterious than North Korean FaceBook. Wine has more secrets than auction houses have fake wines, or R. Kelly has fake tears. Wine is more perplexing than Brexit (short for Brextannomyces, which causes a distinct sulfurous smell). Wine befuddles us like nothing else, except maybe IKEA instructions. In short, everyone knows nothing about wine. Especially people with letters after their names. What are those WSET, CSW, MS, MW things? Surname dingleberries?



Unknown said...

I prefer the terroir of the panties myself.

Ziggy said...

Classic HM of W.

Who needs The World Atlas of Wine, or The Wine Bible or Wine for Dummies or Cork Dork.
We have the mysteries solved right here in a Blog
The next mystery is when the sequel will come out.


Unknown said...

You could take this on the road...a great comedy routine...
Want a manager? (I know I'm leaving myself open there)